Another weekend 16/12

Friday

I'm finding Ma particularly difficult and exhausting to cope with today, being up since 4am doesn't help I suppose. Well, that and trying to follow a conversation which has no start, middle, end, subject or grounding in anything remotely close to reality. Add to that a multitude of repetitive behaviours, sobbing and physical nastiness and you have a fairly trying day. She's not the only one who feels like sobbing. I'm fighting to get her to eat something (at the moment anything would do - I'd buy her a bag of Haribo if that would work) and trying to keep her awake until at least 6pm. But it isn't looking like a battle I'm going to win.

I had a hospital appointment this morning so Ma came too of course. It wasn't really a problem other than her wishing to speak to every single person we passed in the corridors, queued with or sat next to. Most people are really nice and can usually see that she has mental health problems but you do get the odd one or two who can be a bit brusque. Then all the way through my consultation with the respiratory technician she kept up a constant chatter which was a wee bit distracting but I know my way around a CPAP machine so it was ok. If I'd been new to it though it would have been impossible to concentrate.

However, I have good news about the day centre, she starts at the new one on Jan 11th so next Thursday is her last day at Grundy. It would have been the 4th of Jan but she's in respite care until the 5th. The only downside is that they've ony offered her one day despite the consultant saying she needs two. Barry is visiting next week so I'll ask him about it then.

Hearing about everyone going off to Christmas lunches, drinks and parties is putting me in a fine sulk! I might step off the wagon tonight and order a takeaway too as compensation.

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We made it to 6:15 by dint of bribery, corruption and making a lot of noise. I am not having a takeaway, I've cooked instead. Just sitting here eating it (7:00) and in comes Ma all smiley saying she's had a lovely night's sleep. My suggestion that she might want to go back to bed because she was so tired earlier has fallen on stony ground.

Well, one of us will be in bed before long. My money is on me.

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Saturday

Another day, another 4am start and a bit of a rollercoaster day since then.

I managed to nip out to the butchers early doors and get the chipolatas, chestnuts and some sausagemeat so that I can do some more preparation for Christmas day - once I'd chipped the solid ice off my car that is! When I got back Ma was ready to get up so we did the usual morning things but she couldn't settle for long on the sofa and spent a large part of the day pacing, bundling etc. I do find it quite difficult to cope with the fact that she has to follow me everywhere. I know she needs the reassurance but sometimes I really feel the need to scream at not having any personal space.

This afternoon we've had a continual three-way 'conversation' between Ma, me and the TV, musical chairs, occasional sobbing and regular sojourns to the front door. I really do try to follow what she's saying but it is nigh on impossible. I can't even nod and play along because she expects me to answer and gets seriously angry when I don't provide the response she's expecting. I can't win!

Bundling

Thursday

Ma was incredibly restless all day yesterday and by the time she went to bed I was exhausted and didn't feel like writing anything.

She is still set on 'going' somewhere. She tries each of the doors at least once very 10 minutes and cycles through a number of coats, shoes, hats, bags etc. So long as she isn't distressed I don't try and distract her and it does seem to be the most successful way to keep her occupied at the moment. Not even a visit from M & V managed to hold her attention for more than 10 minutes before she was kissing them goodbye and heading off to find a coat.

However it is 09:35 and she really will be going somewhere very shortly. Once she has gone I'm off into town to do some much needed Christmas shopping and possibly treat myself to my 'work's' Christmas lunch. If the bus arrives early enough there may well be a Christmas breakfast too...

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Late update:

When she got home it was the usual mix of 'I'm never going there again' 'The girls are lovely' and scurrilous gossip which I can't make head nor tail of. She ate some of her sandwiches and was nodding off on the sofa by 6pm so I got her into bed by half past.

She's been awake since 4am shouting and crying, wanting to 'go home' and calling for Peter. She looks/calls/asks for him everyday but can't remember that he stayed here for a couple of days a few weeks ago. She's back in bed at the moment and I hope that today will be as stress free as possible although she is coming to a hospital appointment with me this morning which could be interesting.

Recurring themes

 A current obsession is 'I'm going now'. It goes like this:

Right are you ready?

Where are you going?

I'm not sure. Up the road and then along.

I need to do this first Ma.

Oh right well I'm going now. (picks up coat/blanket/cushion. Goes to front door and tries to open it several times)

This isn't working. (returns to living room, puts coat/blanket/cushion down)

** three minutes later **

Right... are you ready...?

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Today we have had a recurring little boy. No idea who he is but she seems to like him. Read the following in any order and repeat at regular intervals:

Isn't he a lovely little boy?

I must find that boy some chocolate/a present.

Where did he go?

Hello??!? Are you upstairs??

He'll need this coat.

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She's still very restless and cannot settle for more than a minute or two. I dumped a pile of napkins in front of her to fold earlier (as someone suggested) but she just stirs them up a bit then walks away. The button box was even less successful. And Mavis and Vic can't keep her interest for much more than 15 minutes any longer without a real struggle.

She likes going out less and less - despite trying to open the front door every few minutes. It's odd actually. She is growing to really dislike going for a walk or into town but give her the opportunity to slope off in her socks without a coat and she'd be off in a flash.

I've taken the view that as long as she isn't distressed it's fine for her to keep rattling the door and pacing in and out, after all everything else I've tried to engage or distract her hasn't been terribly successful. And for the sake of my sanity I let her rattle on now and don't try to answer or make sense of everything she says. That way madness truly lies.

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This morning I discovered the futility of trying to get ahead and wrapping the Christmas presents early. More wrapping paper and selotape on the shopping list then.

Make that like living with a five foot tall, 81 year old toddler labrador puppy cross.

Mondays and migraines

Yesterday's difficulties didn't wane once bedtime arrived and Ma remained restless all night, calling, shouting and wandering all through until I 'got her up' at 7 this morning.

Throughout the morning she was weepy and aggressive so in the end I suggested a trip to Tesco for some veg and some lunch. She wasn't keen but I really wanted a change of scene and hoped that being in public would improve her mood. She did lighten up a little but was unable to find or fasten her seabelt (pulling at the buttons on her coat and nearly ripping off a pocket instead) or open/close the car door. In the shop she insisted on pushing the trolly but wouldn't stop for things to be put in it, so I spent most of the time grabbing things off the shelf and lobbing them at a moving target!! Lunch out was refused and her mood deteriorated once more.

Back home she didn't recognise the house for a long time and spent several hours calling for people and asking me every couple of minutes if we were going. Unfortunately I then started a migraine so its been a bit of a crappy afternoon. It's now 18:15, I'm slowly feeling a bit more human and we are having a cup of tea.

I haven't had to break out the latex gloves once today, for which I am eternally grateful, and I'm hoping for a better night tonight. We both need the sleep.

The weekend starts here 09/12

Friday

Another boilerless start meant keeping Ma in bed until I managed to get the blasted thing lit and the house warmed up. She had breakfast in bed - porridge - and stayed put until about 10:30 when she got up to watch This Morning but declined to get dressed all day. She was disappointed when she discovered it was Eamon today - not a fan it has to be said. I think the words bloody and idiot were employed on several occasions. I'm not a fan of Loose Women so went into the kitchen to do some prep for Christmas day (cranberry sauce, make-ahead gravy, that sort of thing). Turns out Ma isn't a fan either if I'm not in the room so followed me from Aga to sink to freezer to Aga etc. Not irritating in the slightest. No really.

We've had quite a few imaginary visitors this afternoon and one real one who called in for a cuppa and dropped off a bag of Bramleys and quinces. Thanks J!

Today has been a day of bundling things and trying the front door every five minutes. Very very quietly - I suspect that if the door wasn't locked she'd be off in a flash. In her pyjamas and socks and in the middle of one of the frequent snow/hail showers we've had on and off all day. If anyone thinks I'm horrible for keeping everywhere locked up tight, then that is why I do it. And why I have to do it.

One theme of today has been 'going for a nap'. This involves getting into bed and me getting her a hot water bottle and closing the curtains. 'Have a nice rest' 'Oh yes I will, I've been looking forward to this.'

Ninety seconds later:

Hello??!?
Are you there?
Shall I get up now?

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Repeat after me...

It's the television, it isn't real. I'm sorry you can't go in the car/hold the baby/buy that clock.

There's no one here except us. And the dog.

I'm not going anywhere.

No I don't want to get into bed with you, sorry!

He is a she (yes I know I should let it go but...)

You must eat some proper food. Celebrations don't count.

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Saturday

Interesting start to the day. Undressed Ma ready for her shower and five latex gloves fell out of her gusset...

Just been to the garden centre and bought a Christmas tree which will be delivered on Friday. This is a compromise between buying a tree now (before all the good ones go) and waiting until H arrives on the 19th. Because it won't be here until Friday I will probably be able to wait until Monday to decorate it.

This afternoon Ma has been very restless, carrying a blanket with her everywhere, trying the front door every three minutes or so and asking where Peter is every five. She's been shouting at the TV because no one will answer her and pacing, pacing, pacing. I think she wants to go and see Mavis but they are looking after their son who has bronchitis so have their hands full. Everytime I turn round she's wearing different clothes - sometimes mine, which are at least three sizes too big.

It takes a massive effort not to get annoyed and frustrated with the constant repetition. I know she's struggling to make sense of things but I struggle to make sense of her making sense as 90% of her conversation now is completely incomprehensible.

My brain needs some off duty time in front of crap television. Good job it's Saturday then.


Sunday

What sort of a mood are we in this morning?

Ahh...

That would be the grumpy glove-shoe mood then.

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I can't think of anything positive to say about today, sorry. I think I'll just draw a line under it and leave it there.

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Midweek

Yesterday was a slow start mainly due to Ma not waking until half eight and then staying in bed for most of the morning because the boiler pilot light kept blowing out so it was cold in the house. I put both heaters on in the living room but because it is a big room it took a while for it to get warm enough for Ma. After lunch she went into a huge decline very quickly - almost like a switch being thrown - and we had some of the old behaviours: hair pulling, suicide threats, throwing things, pinching me etc. Luckily we were due up the road for tea and biscuits so I got her into her coat and off we went.

When we arrived Ma asked me who the house belonged to and when I got out of the car she asked me if I wanted her to get out too. This is a recurring thing at the moment. She doesn't recognise places she's known for 45 years or more including her own house.

Time spent with Mavis and Vic is always a pleasure and I enjoy a conversation that makes sense! We were there for about an hour, Ma was not very coherent but they take it in their stride, bless them. Back at home Ma refused to eat anything and was in bed by 5:30. I took her some hot chocolate and her meds just before 8 and she slept through the night.

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This morning was a much earlier start and I managed to get the boiler to stay lit long enough to get Ma up, through the shower and her breakfast and then dressed. She was barely dressed when the door bell went and the bus had arrived. A quick whirl into her coat and off she went quite happily with a new driver we haven't seen before.

I went off to the Trafford Centre and managed to get a couple of bits I needed before being completely reckless and going to the cinema. I've never done that on my own before but it was fine (despite the sound of the wind wailing over the soundtrack!) and I'll definitely do it again. Then back via the supermarket for some bits for Betsy.

Ma has just got back and seems to be in a reasonable mood although refusing to eat her sandwiches as usual. She does look tired and listening to her talking I think she'll be in bed before too long - good job I've already put a hot water bottle in there.

Carols and mince pies at the Dementia Café

Believe it or not I had to wake Ma at 08:30 this morning! A lovely start to the day, I managed to have a nice cup of tea and a tootle on the internet for a couple of hours before she got up.

Once up Ma had some porridge for breakfast and by the time she was showered, dressed etc. it was time for Phil and Holly on This Morning. So a nice gentle morning which didn't descend into tears until about 12:00. Thankfully we were due out at 12:45 for a mince pie and some carol singing at the Dementia Café so it didn't go on for very long. To be honest I was surprised at how easy it was to get her out of the house but it soon became clear that this was because she thought she was off to see Mavis, when we sailed right past she wasn't quite so cheerful...

We arrived at the Dementia Café and her mood improved a bit then she saw Anne and David and was able to sit with them and suddenly everything was ok. She had a coffee and a mince pie (thanks for the plate Rachel - I'll bring the Dyson next time!) then the singers turned up. That was the first time that Ma decided we were leaving. At the end of each song she looked across at me and asked if we were going and a couple of times I had to persuade her to sit down again, but we made it to 'We Wish You a Merry Christmas!' in the end. As soon as it was over though she was up and putting her coat on.

On the way home we dropped off the Vicar's Bible (left behind after Communion yesterday) and detoured via Morrisons for milk and bread. As I was carrying in the shopping Ma took her coat off and went to hang it up. Next thing I knew she was on the floor having fallen into the cupboard. She's fine, nothing broken, and once we managed to get her up off the floor she's had a cup of tea and a couple of biscuits to settle her down.

Watching her talking to the Hairy Bikers and listening to the complete lack of any sensible conversation I'd say that it could be a 6 o'clock bedtime tonight after all the excitement.

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Singing carols (or not!)

Back in harness

I had a lovely weekend away, although it was an awful lot of driving (I think from going to see my Aunt on Friday morning to this morning I've done around 800 miles) and got back here just after 10am.

Ma was pleased to see me and Peter said that she'd been fine all weekend, eating ok, no accidents and only the occasional disturbance overnight. He hadn't managed to get her into the shower though so that was the first thing I did.

Just after she was dressed and sitting in the living room the Vicar arrived to give her Communion and then he and I had a chat whereby he's has seconded me onto a project he is doing for next year (Queen's Jubilee) which will keep me busy for a bit during January typing stuff up for him.

Ma seems very wobbly today. Unsteady on her feet, and very confused. Of course she hasn't eaten anything much since I got back other than a bit of pudding and ice cream about an hour ago. It's now 18:50 and I'm battling to keep her awake until 19:00

Tomorrow is Dementia Cafe, with carols and mince pies and oh ar*e I've just remembered I'd promised to make some mince pies. I'll have to see if I can pass off Morrison's bakery dept ones as my own *looks shifty*

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And a pic of my beautiful granddaughter. Just because I can.

Weekend Blog 03/12/11

Friday started quite early - around half five-ish with Ma doing the usual thing about having been in bed on her own all night. I suppose it makes a change from partying with the multitudes on the floor.

We set off to visit my Aunt in high spirits, Ma was really looking forward to it. It takes about an hour to get there depending on the traffic so about 20 minutes in she was getting anxious and naturally at the first set of lights on the East Lancs road she tried to get out of the car. It's funny how when we get in and out on the drive she can't operate her seatbelt or open the door but put us in the middle of fast moving traffic...

I'd warned Auntie Peg that we probably wouldn't stay long so she wasn't unduly upset when Ma bolted down half a salmon sarnie and then asked if we were going. We'd been there less than half an hour and I'd barely had a bite of my cheese and tomato! We left at 10am, it's an hour each way and we were back for 12:30.

Peter arrived, I left and headed south west.

My granddaughter is adorable, my son performed in a show at the Landmark theatre in Ilfracombe tonight and I'm heading back again tomorrow.

Day Centre Day

Thursdays are so much better than they used to be. She still says she doesn't want to go, but as she only realises she's going when the doorbell rings and her coat goes on there's not a lot of time to work herself up into a snit.

I woke her at 7.30 this morning, no dramas, no tears, no need to dash for the shower. Wonderful.

I've spent the day cleaning and running to the tip - not a silk flower or a Brixton Briefcase left in the building.

When she got home she was all set to start on the tears but I chivvied her out of it and she ate most of the tea she brought home with her (tinned salmon sandwiches *boak*) and has just gone to bed. No dramas.

I feel a bit disoriented!

I'm off to wrap a few Christmas presents and write Ma's Christmas cards.