Uncle Vic passed away yesterday. I am almost unbearably upset and feel as if I've lost my dad all over again. He stood shoulder to shoulder with my dearest Pa as one of the loveliest men I've ever known and I will miss him such a lot. He was kind, gentle, funny and told the most wonderful stories. Genuinely a true gentleman.
This is the fifth death in the family in the last four months. Just too much to handle really.
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Taking H to the station in an hour and then off to bring Ma home. More later.
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Well, she's home and already had a cup of coffee! I am delighted. She seems happy and content and talks almost constantly although it's anyone's guess what the topic is...
We had a dodgy hour or two when it looked as though she wouldn't be able to come home due to the care provider giving back word. This would've meant her being shunted to yet another home until probably Tuesday. However Barry managed to sort it and I collected her at 5pm.The care package won't start until tomorrow morning but I'm sure I can manage until then.
It is now 18:50 and she's showing no signs of wanting to go to bed yet.
What a difference to two months ago.
Friday, 13 April 2012
Tuesday, 10 April 2012
Getting ready for Friday
A good meeting this afternoon at Bankfield with Barry and Bernadette (I do love a nice bit of alliteration). However the nicest thing was how much brighter and more responsive Ma was today. When she saw Barry she was utterly delighted. I know she doesn't know who he is but she does know that she likes him! She also called me by name at one point which was lovely. And the very best news of all is that she has gained a kilo.
All the way through the meeting she was telling us a tale about goodness knows what but she was really quite animated, alert and content. A really lovely thing to see. I have no idea why she was so despondent yesterday but thankfully she was a world away from that today.
Mobilisation-wise she is doing really well, we tried her with a zimmer frame and although she's a bit reluctant to get out of the wheelchair, once she's up she's fine. After a chat with both B and B we've agreed on a Friday return even if the bath hoist won't be in place. However, the pressure mat alarm next to the bed should be and a referral to the District Nurses in order to get various supplies will be. We are also looking at one carer morning and evening (with a bit of help from me) which is a massive improvement on how she was before she went back into hospital. At that point it looked as though she would need two carers. Naturally these things need to be fine tuned once we are up and running but it's all looking hopeful and positive.
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Only two full days left with H. I'm already getting emotional about it. However as I will be dropping her off at the station on Friday and then collecting Ma from the home I won't have a lot of time to sniffle self-indulgently.
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H calls: Muuum where's the Vimto??
Me: Er... *shifty* I drank it
H calls: WHAT??!? Go to your room!!
Me: I'm already IN my room duh!
H: Well... go out of your room then go back in again....
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A pretty Spring blip
All the way through the meeting she was telling us a tale about goodness knows what but she was really quite animated, alert and content. A really lovely thing to see. I have no idea why she was so despondent yesterday but thankfully she was a world away from that today.
Mobilisation-wise she is doing really well, we tried her with a zimmer frame and although she's a bit reluctant to get out of the wheelchair, once she's up she's fine. After a chat with both B and B we've agreed on a Friday return even if the bath hoist won't be in place. However, the pressure mat alarm next to the bed should be and a referral to the District Nurses in order to get various supplies will be. We are also looking at one carer morning and evening (with a bit of help from me) which is a massive improvement on how she was before she went back into hospital. At that point it looked as though she would need two carers. Naturally these things need to be fine tuned once we are up and running but it's all looking hopeful and positive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Only two full days left with H. I'm already getting emotional about it. However as I will be dropping her off at the station on Friday and then collecting Ma from the home I won't have a lot of time to sniffle self-indulgently.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
H calls: Muuum where's the Vimto??
Me: Er... *shifty* I drank it
H calls: WHAT??!? Go to your room!!
Me: I'm already IN my room duh!
H: Well... go out of your room then go back in again....
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A pretty Spring blip
Monday, 9 April 2012
Monday Monday
I sincerely hope that everyone else has had crummy weather like we've had here today! Wet, wet and more wet.
H and I have had a mostly lolling sort of a day until we went to see Ma this afternoon. When we arrived she was in the lounge in front of the tv, eyes closed. It took a couple of attempts to get her attention and then keep her focussed. She was chatty enough (eyes closed) and was telling me that everyone was getting on a plane and going on holiday, but she wasn't sure where. She looked at Harriet when I prompted her but there wasn't any real reaction.
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I've taken down the photograph on here after a critical comment and 'like' were made on Facebook. I did consider very carefully the ethics of what I was doing before posting the photo and didn't and still don't think that they were disrespectful or voyueristic in anyway. I thought they were poignant and quite beautiful. However, the idea that I may have inadvertenly upset anyone is not something I want to be responsible for.
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There wasn't anyone in the office this afternoon to ask about her weight/eating/drinking but I'm meeting Barry there tomorrow so I'll ask about it then.
H and I have had a mostly lolling sort of a day until we went to see Ma this afternoon. When we arrived she was in the lounge in front of the tv, eyes closed. It took a couple of attempts to get her attention and then keep her focussed. She was chatty enough (eyes closed) and was telling me that everyone was getting on a plane and going on holiday, but she wasn't sure where. She looked at Harriet when I prompted her but there wasn't any real reaction.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've taken down the photograph on here after a critical comment and 'like' were made on Facebook. I did consider very carefully the ethics of what I was doing before posting the photo and didn't and still don't think that they were disrespectful or voyueristic in anyway. I thought they were poignant and quite beautiful. However, the idea that I may have inadvertenly upset anyone is not something I want to be responsible for.
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There wasn't anyone in the office this afternoon to ask about her weight/eating/drinking but I'm meeting Barry there tomorrow so I'll ask about it then.
Sunday, 8 April 2012
Easter Sunday
A good day to enjoy a double celebration: 30,000 views and the 1st birthday of this blog. A huge thank you to everyone who follows it and offers support and encouragement when I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, I appreciate it more than I can say.
It is sobering to think that only a few weeks before I started the blog Ma was still driving. The rate of her deterioration has been lightning-fast. If you have the time, it pays to go back and read it from the start. When I do that I am astonished at what I have forgotten and how much things have changed.
Not a lot to report on Ma at the moment really, she's calm and settled at Bankfield and eating a little. Not drinking anything much though still. I took her an Easter egg even though I knew she wouldn't understand what it was or what to do with it. I admit that I half hoped she might after she called Mavis by name the other day - Mave and I looked at each other in astonishment! When we arrived Ma didn't make eye contact or acknowledge her in any way but during conversation when M said to Ma 'We used to have some fabulous times' Ma said 'We did Mave, didnt we?' I was so pleased for Mavis and she was delighted.
The staff took care of the egg and promised to try giving her some with her tea.
I had intended to take my camera with me today but forgot so will try and remember tomorrow now!
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Quite a few blips to catch up on. Having photographed flowers for what seems like forever, I now appear to be in my 'garden bird' phase (although not today). Having just ordered new seed, fat balls and live mealworms, I feel I have to warn you that this phase may continue for some time to come... More birdie blips can be found here .
It is sobering to think that only a few weeks before I started the blog Ma was still driving. The rate of her deterioration has been lightning-fast. If you have the time, it pays to go back and read it from the start. When I do that I am astonished at what I have forgotten and how much things have changed.
Not a lot to report on Ma at the moment really, she's calm and settled at Bankfield and eating a little. Not drinking anything much though still. I took her an Easter egg even though I knew she wouldn't understand what it was or what to do with it. I admit that I half hoped she might after she called Mavis by name the other day - Mave and I looked at each other in astonishment! When we arrived Ma didn't make eye contact or acknowledge her in any way but during conversation when M said to Ma 'We used to have some fabulous times' Ma said 'We did Mave, didnt we?' I was so pleased for Mavis and she was delighted.
The staff took care of the egg and promised to try giving her some with her tea.
I had intended to take my camera with me today but forgot so will try and remember tomorrow now!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quite a few blips to catch up on. Having photographed flowers for what seems like forever, I now appear to be in my 'garden bird' phase (although not today). Having just ordered new seed, fat balls and live mealworms, I feel I have to warn you that this phase may continue for some time to come... More birdie blips can be found here .
Tuesday, 3 April 2012
Tiny Tuesday Top-up
The funeral yesterday was a bit of an emotional overload for me but I got through it without disgracing myself. Well not too much anyway and Harriet was with me so that helped enormously. It was an affectionate and respectful send off, she would've been very pleased and also delighted to see some old work colleagues there along with staff from both of her nursing homes. It is a sad truth that you often only see distant relatives (geographically, not emotionally) at funerals. Maybe it's God's way of easing the grief a little.
Not much change Ma-wise to report. She is still being fed in a quiet area away from the main dining room which seems to be helping although if you listen carefully to what isn't said, she clearly still doesn't eat very much. I had an email off Barry this morning to say that her stay has been extended until Friday 13th April but as yet I haven't been able to find out why.
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I'd like to say hello to some new followers who've popped up in the last few days. Waves at Japan, Isle of Man, Russia, Germany, Ireland, Austria and Spain. Thank you for stopping by.
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No fabulous blips to link to. I'm lacking in inspiration at the moment and need to get my mojo back. Normal service will resume as soon as I've found it :)
Not much change Ma-wise to report. She is still being fed in a quiet area away from the main dining room which seems to be helping although if you listen carefully to what isn't said, she clearly still doesn't eat very much. I had an email off Barry this morning to say that her stay has been extended until Friday 13th April but as yet I haven't been able to find out why.
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I'd like to say hello to some new followers who've popped up in the last few days. Waves at Japan, Isle of Man, Russia, Germany, Ireland, Austria and Spain. Thank you for stopping by.
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No fabulous blips to link to. I'm lacking in inspiration at the moment and need to get my mojo back. Normal service will resume as soon as I've found it :)
Sunday, 1 April 2012
More sad news and a quick update
Ma's brother, my Uncle Ernie, passed away on Friday morning. He has also suffered from dementia for several years but it was still an enormous shock only seven days after Auntie Anne. If there is one small mercy for Ma it is that she doesn't understand what has happened and is spared the extreme distress this last week would have caused her.
We have such fond memories of Uncle Ern and our holidays in Paignton, both when I was small and when my children were too - the toupée incident, tea on the beach, sunshine and Beverley Park Caravan site. Happy days.
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I haven't blogged because I managed to do a secret ninja raid to North Devon for Lulu's Christening. Lovely to surprise Ed and Hayley and see the Grandies - especially Lulu of course, the star of the show :)
I left Ma happy and content at the home, she is eating a little which is fabulous news and although now only 38kg am hopeful that even such a tiny amount of food might slow the weightloss a little.
Heading back again today with H in tow for the Easter hols and Auntie Anne's funeral tomorrow.
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Well... what else was I going to blip? :)
We have such fond memories of Uncle Ern and our holidays in Paignton, both when I was small and when my children were too - the toupée incident, tea on the beach, sunshine and Beverley Park Caravan site. Happy days.
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I haven't blogged because I managed to do a secret ninja raid to North Devon for Lulu's Christening. Lovely to surprise Ed and Hayley and see the Grandies - especially Lulu of course, the star of the show :)
I left Ma happy and content at the home, she is eating a little which is fabulous news and although now only 38kg am hopeful that even such a tiny amount of food might slow the weightloss a little.
Heading back again today with H in tow for the Easter hols and Auntie Anne's funeral tomorrow.
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Well... what else was I going to blip? :)
Thursday, 29 March 2012
*STOP PRESS*!!
I'd arranged to meet Glen and Lynne this morning to see Ma (it gets complicated but they are Ma's sister's daughters-in-law). Due to the the idiocy of the general public and my promise to do Betty's shopping, I got snagged in the Tesco petrol station grid-lock (not buying fuel, just couldn't get out!) so was a good 20 minutes late getting there.
Ma was definitely much much better than I've seen her for a while. She was 'chatting' with the three of us and was clearly comfortable and content.
However, speaking to the staff it transpires that she ate a WHOLE Weetabix for breakfast.
I know!!
She was in a quiet area without distractions and that has definitely helped. She is just too bloody nosey so tries to follow any movement and also hears other conversations and tries to contribute! Bernadette (manager) said that they would try the quiet area idea again and see if it works.
However she is clean, comfortable and content. I really can't ask for more than that.
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Another birdy blip .... I do get a bit fixated on the things I blip, sorry! Makes a change from flowers though :)
Ma was definitely much much better than I've seen her for a while. She was 'chatting' with the three of us and was clearly comfortable and content.
However, speaking to the staff it transpires that she ate a WHOLE Weetabix for breakfast.
I know!!
She was in a quiet area without distractions and that has definitely helped. She is just too bloody nosey so tries to follow any movement and also hears other conversations and tries to contribute! Bernadette (manager) said that they would try the quiet area idea again and see if it works.
However she is clean, comfortable and content. I really can't ask for more than that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another birdy blip .... I do get a bit fixated on the things I blip, sorry! Makes a change from flowers though :)
Wednesday, 28 March 2012
Midweek Update
Not a lot to report really. Ma is 'fine' apparently although she looks desperately thin to me. She talks almost non-stop and one of the staff did comment that she might eat a bit more if she talked a bit less! Faint hope there I think.
Had lunch with Jon and Sarah yesterday. Jon writes the blog We Need Toothpaste where he talks about caring for his mum who also has vascular dementia. I fed them quiche and carrot cake and we had a really lovely afternoon.
One thing I did want to mention was how a comment made on here recently has made me think. Someone (hi Anne!) said that they were amazed that I manage to find the time to write this in and amongst everything else which goes on. Having pondered on this for a while it's clear to me that this isn't just a safety valve, it also forces me to order my thoughts into something digestible and makes me stand back sometimes so that I can view things with a small measure of emotional distance. However, the most important outcome from all of this is that I have a record of the last year because it is very easy to forget the details, little or large. I do read back over posts I've written occasionally and am frequently surprised at how much I have forgotten and often make myself laugh all over again in the process!
I'm really looking forward to a manicure tomorrow, I've not had one in a very long time and it is a favourite treat of mine.
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A birdy blip today. He was very obliging and posed beautifully :)
Had lunch with Jon and Sarah yesterday. Jon writes the blog We Need Toothpaste where he talks about caring for his mum who also has vascular dementia. I fed them quiche and carrot cake and we had a really lovely afternoon.
One thing I did want to mention was how a comment made on here recently has made me think. Someone (hi Anne!) said that they were amazed that I manage to find the time to write this in and amongst everything else which goes on. Having pondered on this for a while it's clear to me that this isn't just a safety valve, it also forces me to order my thoughts into something digestible and makes me stand back sometimes so that I can view things with a small measure of emotional distance. However, the most important outcome from all of this is that I have a record of the last year because it is very easy to forget the details, little or large. I do read back over posts I've written occasionally and am frequently surprised at how much I have forgotten and often make myself laugh all over again in the process!
I'm really looking forward to a manicure tomorrow, I've not had one in a very long time and it is a favourite treat of mine.
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A birdy blip today. He was very obliging and posed beautifully :)
Monday, 26 March 2012
Beautiful Monday
Such a glorious day today, the sort of day to make your heart sing. I managed some early morning dew spangled blips and enjoyed watching the birds and some truly enormous bees frolicking around - one bee was frolicking so hard it got its feet stuck in Ma's dralon curtains and had to be encouraged to get off.
Ma's tum is still a bit off unfortunately. I don't think this has anything to do with the difficulties the staff are having getting any food inside her, that is purely down to flat refusal and her habit of talking continuously (and/or constantly) whenever food approaches her mouth. I understand that the dietician has been called upon again so I will be very interested to hear the outcome of that assessment. Last week the advice I was given was to put Complan in her food. Which as I said at the time, would've been quite useful about 8 months ago. I'm not sure how else I can put across the fact that she simply does not want to eat.
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I've been sent some fabulous old family photos by one of my cousins. He and his brother are happy for me to post a couple of them on here. Ma was such a glamour puss, it's no wonder Dad absolutely adored her. The second one must be circa 1971/2. It may not let me post any more so will save them for another day. If you click on the photo you will see a larger version.
Ma's tum is still a bit off unfortunately. I don't think this has anything to do with the difficulties the staff are having getting any food inside her, that is purely down to flat refusal and her habit of talking continuously (and/or constantly) whenever food approaches her mouth. I understand that the dietician has been called upon again so I will be very interested to hear the outcome of that assessment. Last week the advice I was given was to put Complan in her food. Which as I said at the time, would've been quite useful about 8 months ago. I'm not sure how else I can put across the fact that she simply does not want to eat.
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I've been sent some fabulous old family photos by one of my cousins. He and his brother are happy for me to post a couple of them on here. Ma was such a glamour puss, it's no wonder Dad absolutely adored her. The second one must be circa 1971/2. It may not let me post any more so will save them for another day. If you click on the photo you will see a larger version.
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| Ma, Dad, Auntie Eileen. Peter in front. |
 | |||
| Ma (centre front in purple mini dress), Pa (in brown suit to the right of her with something white in his hand), Auntie Anne (far right), Me (second from left aged about 12 in green suit thing between Uncle John and Nana, Ma's mother), Peter (next to Ma, crouching - no idea), Uncle Ernie (Ma and Anne's brother, standing behind Auntie Anne, he also has late-stage dementia) |
Saturday, 24 March 2012
Reflective
Yesterday was a very sad day. Ma's older sister who has been on the dementia path for some years died in her sleep. It wasn't unexpected but it is deeply saddening all the same.
Seeing Ma today made me almost unbearably upset. Looking at her you can see that she is following in her sister's footsteps at an almost supersonic speed. She is incredibly thin due to not eating anything much really and no longer holds any sort of conversation which you can follow or understand. She does respond to you when you talk to her (in fact she's very verbal - some things never change!) but she may as well be speaking Icelandic for all the sense she makes. It's not even random words put together, more new words which don't mean anything. I'm not entirely sure that she recognises me all the time, I think she knows that I'm connected to her in some way but hasn't really got a clue who I am, but occasionally she will say my name so not all lost just yet. She has definitely deteriorated in the last 7 days though. Her preferred state is lying down, she clearly doesn't like sitting up and getting her to stand is an almost impossible task.
This new home is ok. Frankly none of them are fabulous but the staff seem caring enough and they do have Jessie, the home's own cat, who loves to be talked to and stroked. Her main carer told me today that they are having trouble getting anything into her (Ma that is, not the cat who is most rotund) and that doesn't surprise me in the least.
She was clearly in pain now and then and the carer (I think she's called Marta, must check that. Very rude of me) said that she's had a bit of an upset tummy. So that needs keeping an eye on.
I'm off to the Trafford Centre with J in the morning to sort out a sartorial problem - the intention is to do a ninja raid when it opens and be away before it gets busy. We will call in to see Ma on the way back.
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Blippage continues. It is not beyond the bounds to say that it is saving my sanity, giving me something else to focus on (oh dear, sorry). This is today's and this is yesterday's I hope you like them :)
Seeing Ma today made me almost unbearably upset. Looking at her you can see that she is following in her sister's footsteps at an almost supersonic speed. She is incredibly thin due to not eating anything much really and no longer holds any sort of conversation which you can follow or understand. She does respond to you when you talk to her (in fact she's very verbal - some things never change!) but she may as well be speaking Icelandic for all the sense she makes. It's not even random words put together, more new words which don't mean anything. I'm not entirely sure that she recognises me all the time, I think she knows that I'm connected to her in some way but hasn't really got a clue who I am, but occasionally she will say my name so not all lost just yet. She has definitely deteriorated in the last 7 days though. Her preferred state is lying down, she clearly doesn't like sitting up and getting her to stand is an almost impossible task.
This new home is ok. Frankly none of them are fabulous but the staff seem caring enough and they do have Jessie, the home's own cat, who loves to be talked to and stroked. Her main carer told me today that they are having trouble getting anything into her (Ma that is, not the cat who is most rotund) and that doesn't surprise me in the least.
She was clearly in pain now and then and the carer (I think she's called Marta, must check that. Very rude of me) said that she's had a bit of an upset tummy. So that needs keeping an eye on.
I'm off to the Trafford Centre with J in the morning to sort out a sartorial problem - the intention is to do a ninja raid when it opens and be away before it gets busy. We will call in to see Ma on the way back.
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Blippage continues. It is not beyond the bounds to say that it is saving my sanity, giving me something else to focus on (oh dear, sorry). This is today's and this is yesterday's I hope you like them :)
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