Would you believe it?

Ma has eaten more in the last two days than she has managed to eat in the last three weeks. Today she actually requested toast, tea, Horlicks, fish fingers/mash/baked beans, chopped tinned pears and cream. Fantastic. It is, frankly, astonishing. I hope and pray that this trend will continue.

Her friend Barbara called this afternoon so I left them to it and nipped off to B&Q. Yes I could've gone for a facial or a pedicure but I needed ferrules for the zimmer frame and a clothes maiden. We've been 'borrowing' Betty's maiden for the last six months and I thought it was time to gird the collective loins and buy one of our own. Good old B&Q had either a crappy maiden for a few quids or a decent one for a heck of a lot more. Plus a pack of six ferrules for £7. Who needs six?? Ever?? Most people buy them to stick on the end of walking sticks, so that's a maximum of one required approximately once a decade. Once I'd got over the sheer cheek of it all I realised that they were too small anyway. So sucks boo to you B&Q.

After Barbara left Ma sat and watched the tv and I sat here and did a bit of twitter/facebook stuff. Then The Chase came on, which is one of Ma's favourites. After about 20 mins I noticed that Ma was getting distressed - pulling at her fleece jacket and fidgeting in the chair.

Are you ok mum?

Well I don't know what I'm going to do

What do you need to do? What's up?

How am I going to get there?

*clueless*

Where are you going?

I have to be there > points at the tv

No it's ok Ma, you don't need to be on there, they've got plenty of other peope to do it.

Oh have they? Thank goodness for that.

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Heading for the bathroom, zimmer frame at full tilt....

This is feeling really so much better *rubs right thigh*

That's great Ma, but you broke your left hip.

When did I do that?

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I did a simplified version of my lamb korma recipe for the Dementia Cafe cook book. It works really well and makes me wonder why I bothered to make it more complicated....

Anyway, here's the pic which will appear in the cook book:

A different woman

The morning started as usual. I took her tea and tablets in bed, the tea was ignored. The ladies arrived and got her up and in the shower. I made her toast at her request but she only managed one quarter then she settled in front of the tv asking at regular intervals where Peter was.

Peter arrived just after 12 and of course Ma was delighted to see him. They chatted for a while and Peter got out his laptop and showed her photos of their time in Spain, Jean's sister and brother in law have been out there helping to renovate part of the house so there was plenty for Ma to look at as she and dad have been there in the past.

The GP called round at about half 12 to check her over after the episode on Sunday evening. He reassured me that there's nothing sinister going on in her stomach and told her she really must try to eat a bit more. Peter said the same thing and she said she would...

After the doctor left I offered her some lunch. She wasn't keen but after some encouragement from Peter she asked for a cheese sandwich. And only went and ate the bloody lot. Then drank a whole mug of tea. Words fail me. All the frustration and distress of the last few weeks and all it appears to take is a word from her son **

I had a bit of a headache this afternoon so left Peter with Ma and went to lie down for an hour. Apparently whilst I was snoozing she's had some chocolates. Then just before Peter left she ate two tinned pears and some cream with a mug of coffee.

It's hard not to feel mutinous and resentful but I'm really pleased she's eaten so well today. And weirdly enough, she looks so much better for it. Pfft! What are the odds?

** I'm big enough to admit that it's probably the Omeprazole she's been prescribed which has made the difference rather than my brother having magical powers... but still... Let's hope it continues tomorrow.

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We are watching a report on BBC North West Tonight on Arthur Lowe and Ma has just got all upset about where she would go when it all starts happening. I've just had to reassure her that it's a report about a tv programme on the Home Guard not the start of another world war.

Good bits and bad bits

Not a good start to the day with a full set of bedding to wash but the Enablement ladies got her cleaned up, dressed and ready for breakfast..

The baby food fruit puree idea worked quite well, she ate half a jar and also had about two sips of a milky coffee. And all was fine until a mid-morning trip to the loo. Another shower and a full set of clothes later she was back in the living room.

It has taken all day to dry the mattress protector on the Aga. I am SO getting a tumble drier tomorrow.

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Thank you for all the helpful comments and suggestions for getting Ma to eat and drink. Unfortunately she won't eat fresh fruit or anything remotely crunchy, she doesn't like yoghurt or smoothies. She's gone off mashed potatoes and chips, biscuits and cake, won't eat pasta, rice or cous cous. So....

Today she's had the fruit puree I mentioned (it went down okish but I'm not sure she'll eat it long term) and half of a soft boiled egg, but left the bread and butter. However, this is approximately 100% more than she ate yesterday and therefore no bile attack tonight. I'm hoping that a steady supply of tiny portions might bring her appetite back a little bit.

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Peter is coming tomorrow. It's 20:00hrs and she's already been up three times asking me where he is. This may be a long night.

Update

The Doctor came and was very thorough but as she isn't clinically dehydrated there wasn't much he could do. His advice to Ma is 'you need to drink more fluid'.

Well hey. I may have mentioned that to her at least five times a day since she came out of hospital.

Can you believe that it's only three weeks since she fell? No, me neither. Seems like at least three months.

So how exactly do you get a stubborn 81 year old woman with dementia to drink when she doesn't want to without resorting to a funnel??

She will mostly only drink about an inch of any mug of tea or coffee, although there are exceptions to this. She doesn't like squash, juice, milk, herbal tea, fruit tea, fizzy pop, yoghurt, smoothies and especially not water.

She will have soup, but only about once a week. Likewise an ice lolly.

Any ideas or suggestions?

Far too early

I woke up at about 05:30 to the sound of sobbing. Dashed downstairs to find Ma sitting in the living room in a terrible state.

What's the matter???

I couldn't find anyone. And I don't know where I am.

You're at home Ma, it's ok.

But I haven't seen anyone. I couldn't find them.

No one else is here I promise.

Why didn't they say hello to me?

*light bulb moment*

David and Glenys aren't coming until this afternoon Ma, don't worry...


I gave her her meds and a cup of tea then she went back to bed quite happily and fell into a deep sleep.

Naturally I was wide awake and jangling. So I did a full Dyson and dust downstairs, put some laundry in and had a shower before the Reablement lady arrived to get Ma up. Am now thinking about prepping the veg for this afternoon and I might use up the rapidly blackening bananas sitting in the kitchen and make a cake.

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More later. And possibly some photos :)

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Banana cake! As you can see, it has cracked on the top. But it tastes very nice :)

Orla with Great Great Auntie Audrey

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Dave and Glen arrived just after half two and Orla was, naturally, the star of the show. She was very taken with Lily and followed her everywhere. Unfortunately Ma didnt make it to the meal I'd cooked, she took herself off to bed at about 4pm. Dave and Glen left just before 6 and as they were pulling off the drive Ma was heading for the bathroom. Next thing I hear her vomiting. She is bringing up bile, which indicates that she really isn't eating enough. As this is happening Michaela arrives from the Reablement service and after talking to her about it I decide to ring Bar Doc which is the local out of hours medical service. They have decided to send a doctor out to look at Ma due to my concerns regarding her lack of eating and also because I suspect she may be slightly dehydrated. I really hope it doesn't happen but it wouldn't surprise me if she is readmitted. Update later.

Here is Orla trying on Granny's FitFlops - we couldn't get her off them! Every time she said 'shoes' I told her it isn't shoes it's 'Jimmy Choos'. That'll please her daddy :D (love you J xx)

Not the best start...

I guarantee there are worse ways to start the day but personally I think that fishing a carrier bag out of the loo is up there with most of them. Why she chose to empty the bathroom bin and use that instead of the loo roll which was on the wall next to her where it has been for nigh on 30 years is beyond me.

At this rate I'll be penning an ode of gratitude to the latex glove.

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Another day, another accusation. I think she's a bit bored with being housebound and is constantly asking me to ring people up. So somehow not being able to get hold of anyone suddenly became 'I know you don't love me' and all the other nonsense that comes out at times like this. Today I am struggling with it all and finding it a major effort not to be resentful and surly and absolutely must not think about saying goodbye to the children last Thursday.

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I am, however, a culinary genius *cough*. The pork dish for tomorrow smells fab (currently in the bottom oven of the Aga), so will post a recipe if it works out ok. The tiramisu isn't looking quite so fab and may have to be served with straws. But hey, it'll still taste ok. It flipping should do with that amount of Tia Maria in it.

The Doctor Calls

Ma's reluctance to eat has been worrying me for some time now as you know. This morning I thought it would be a good idea to have a chat with her GP, so I rang for a phone appointment. Typically his phone appointments were all taken so I was offered one with the triage nurse. She was very pleasant and said she would speak to Dr Hampson. At 12 there was a knock at the door and there was the man himself.

Ma adores her GP and this can be quite useful! He asked Ma a few questions but it was obvious that she wasn't able to answer them (What did you do? I can't remember. You fell Ma. Oh that's right I fell under a bus. Not in the kitchen you didn't..), although interestingly she does try to divert the conversation in an attempt to disguise this. We talked about various medication adjustments instigated by the hospital and I mentioned that Barry was organising a re-referral to the Dementia Team, which he said he would chase up.

He then gave her a stern look and told her she must start eating a bit more. I asked about food replacement products but he was reluctant to prescribe them because a) they don't taste very nice and b) he feels it could encourage Ma to be lazy about eating - which I think is a fair comment. Especially as as soon as he had left she asked for an apple and some soup! He agrees with me that so long as she is eating something I shouldn't get hung up on it being all sweet food if that's what she will eat.

She's been resting since half two, so may not get up again properly. On the other hand she may be up for a party in a bit. You never know!

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Are you going now? Should I get out of your way?

Where am I going Ma?

I thought you were going to look at the land.

Umm no. Not going anywhere today don't worry.

Well aren't you going to be with your husband?

(He's not... uh never mind)

No Ma, he's not here.

Isn't he? Oh I thought he was. Are you sure?

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Some things:

It has been weeks since she last kissed and cried over my dad's photo.

She joins in with any conversation and will say things in an attempt to sound as if she knows what's going on. Example: Uncle Vic was here chatting away. There was a break in the conversation and he jokingly said 'What else? Oh yes, the Dutch have taken Holland!' To which Ma replied, 'Oh I think I saw that on the news!'

She asks permission to do so many things now. It's heartbreaking.

Reading is beyond her now really, and for someone who set such great store in sending and receiving greetings cards, it is quite shocking to see her barely glance at her get well cards. There was a time when they would've been counted and the number paraded about. I think I get my aversion to greeting cards of any description from this.

She's convinced there's another room off her bedroom. There isn't. There is, however, a set of mirrored wardrobe doors which she opens to 'go in the other room' and is then very confused when there isn't one. Unless she's been skipping off to Narnia in the night...

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Reablement ladies get her ready for bed, lots of good natured laughter when she goes to use Canasten to clean her teeth.

Phone rings. It's Glenys saying that they will be visiting on Sunday with Judith and Orla. Absolutely delighted to hear this. Tell Ma and she's also thrilled.

She's now dozing in the chair having refused to go to bed.

Why don't you go to bed mum?

I'm waiting for them to come.

The girls have been already?

I don't remember that.

They put your pyjamas on.

Oh yes I remember that but I'm waiting for the others. With the little one.

They aren't coming until Sunday! Today is Friday.

If you say so. I'll just wait here.

Thursday

She is in a most peculiar mood today. First thing she was all fluffy, saying goodbye to the children and telling Harriet she adored her. Harriet made a wry little comment to me about going from villain to hero which was quite amusing. I left Ma in the capable hands of the Reablement team and took the children to the bus station. Cue quite a lot of sobbing and embarrassing behaviour but they are quite used to it so shovelled me back into the car and waved me off.

When I got back she was dressed and sitting in the lounge. I made some tea and put the TV on and all was well for a while. Glenys phoned, I offered to make her some lunch (declined) and then she dozed in front of Mel and Gino.

For the last hour we've had tears and flailing arms which all started with her not being able to see if Sheila is in - this is due to the way the houses are oriented not because I've stopped her from going anywhere! We went through everyone she thought she needed to see and I reassured her that she has seen all of them within the last few weeks. From this we went to her telling me to go and spend some time with my 'husband', when I said he wasn't here she didn't believe me and kept telling me to go and do whatever I wanted to do (sit here and do exactly what I am doing which is read a book, actually). This moved seamlessly into asking for permission to go to the loo and then standing in the hall because she 'didn't want to be in the way'. When I suggested she went for a nap she refused but went and sat on the edge of the bed. More weeping, more arm flailing (and an accidental slap to my left eye) until I managed to persuade her to have a cup of coffee and a rest. As I was plumping up her pillows I discovered a stash of Celebrations in her pillow case...

She's mentioned that she'd like 'a few chips' for tea, which I will gladly do and perhaps she'll have an egg to go with them.

As I'm typing this I can hear her singing in the bedroom.

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A few chips turned out to be 2, which she ate with the yolk from a poached egg. Add that to the crumpet this morning and we're hardly talking over indulgence here. I'm currently trying to keep her up until the evening shift arrives to help her to bed but it's going to be nip and tuck.

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We made it to 6pm. The girls arrived and Ma was helped to bed etc.

Just chatting on the phone to the Cornishman (19:25) when the door opened and the zimmer frame clarts into view. Ma got bored with bed and is up again. Now sitting on the sofa with Lily in a death grip. There may be a tricky night in store.

A better day than yesterday

We've had a fairly quiet day today. Ma slept a lot throughout the morning and then this afternoon she's had two visitors, so she's been kept busy.

It's interesting that she was all fluffy for the Reablement ladies this moring - telling them she loved them to bits! A complete turn around from yesterday when she was adamant that she didn't want them any longer.

So far today she's eaten three quarters of a crumpet and two chocolate HobNobs. One of her visitors, Sheila from next door, told her she looked like she's lost weight. Ma replied that she couldn't see how she could have... When I suggested that it was because she wasn't eating enough, Sheila backed me up saying that she must eat. So this evening, because Sheila said she should, she is having some tea. Admittedly it is sticky toffee pudding, so that's all sweet stuff today, but she has flatly refused anything savoury. Including any of the roast dinner I've done for the children. It's all food at the end of the day though I suppose.

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The boys and Harriet go back tomorrow. I am going to miss H so much and haven't seen the boys for anywhere near long enough. It will be so hard saying goodbye. I am going to be very very upset tomorrow.

Waving

I've found the Stats bit on the blog. And I do love a spot of obsessive compulsive number watching.

However it also tells me lots of other things including where blog views have come from. So a big Hi! to all the UK followers, but also a lovely hello to those from: USA, Canada, Hong Kong, Isle of Man, France, Spain, Portugal, Bahrain (Hey Iain x), Ireland, Germany, Hawaii, Pakistan and Malaysia.

Who knew??!? Fan-flipping-tastic.

Please stop and say hello when you call by, I'd love to meet you :)