My mother was diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2010. This is a blog about coming to terms with her absent mind.

Tuesday, 5 February 2013

End of an Era

I've been putting off writing this update.

Now that Ma is in a home my carer's role is so diminished that I don't feel I can call myself a carer any longer and the speed with which the situation has changed has left me feeling wrong-footed and adrift. I can't help feeling resentful that I wasn't given any option in the decision-making process. I was told that I would be invited to contribute my views at the meeting but that didn't happen. The whole business was incredibly upsetting and still brings me to tears when I think about it. I need to stress that no one was rude or unpleasant at any time, it was just that the outcomes I had been led to believe would be discussed were summarily dismissed as not being an option.

However Ma seems happy enough in her new home, although the new drug she is still being given is definitely flattening her to the point where she does tend to sleep in the chair for most of the time. Of course this change in behaviour also means that now she does not qualify for CHC funding, so thank goodness my parents paid into the NHS for all those years.

The house is going on the market this week, it simply isn't possible to keep it running. My heart sinks at the thought of all the sorting which will need to be done now - thirty years of memories and my Dad's inability to throw anything out will make for a challenging few weeks. Luckily I have a spare son kicking his heels in Devon so he will be coming up to give me a hand.

So this morning I have the third and final estate agent coming to give me a valuation on the house and then off to see Ma this afternoon.

Don't worry though there will be more updates to come and I am about to resurrect my other blog just in case you can't live without my scintillating writing and rapier wit...


  1. Hugs Bee. It must be such a hard time for you and not surprised you are feeling adrift. Everything you have had to cope with. I hope the house sorting isn't too traumatic and can bring good memories back xx

  2. Thank you for sharing your scintillating writing and rapier wit Bee, it must have been monumentally difficult at times. You are a great ambassador and I will continue to follow your blog/s. Stay in touch, hope mum remains settled and content...
    Keep up the photography too - I await with baited breath my weekly flickr update :-)
    Take care
    Diane x (

  3. Aw Bev, so many memories in that house, must be so tough for you right now. Thinking of you as always, Amanda xxx

  4. Bee, I'm sure there have been times that were... well, unprintable. As someone who has been a carer, I feel for you - and can honestly say you deserve a medal for coping so well for so long. You are still a carer - because you care. Hope everything goes as well as it can with the house move, sweetie. :) xx