My mother was diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2010. This is a blog about coming to terms with her absent mind.

Monday, 12 November 2012

A disappointment and a major change in my viewpoint

Barry contacted me last week asking if he could come and see Ma. Nothing unusual in that and one that is guaranteed to please her. Despite the grip of dementia she does still remember how to flirt :) I was pleased that he was coming because I had things I wanted to discuss.

He arrived with some fudge because it was my birthday bless him, such a lovely thing to do. Then told me that Spurr House will no longer accept Ma because of her challenging behavior so the respite week I'd booked over Christmas is no longer and I have to try and find another place for her in a home which offers specialist EMI care. There's one home about 10 mins away which does offer the facilities needed so I'm off to have a look at it with Joani on Weds, she's not only a lovely friend but also works in the dementia field and is invaluable when doing this sort of thing.

Barry also stated that he wants Ma to have a Nursing Care assessment which would, should it be successful mean that her care needs would be paid for via the NHS. And the potential for a huge financial burden to be lifted.

I have been advised by family members and friends over and again to request an assessment for continuing healthcare funding via the NHS. Should the assessment be in our favour this would mean that Ma could go into a home with a specialist dementia care facility. I talked to Barry about it on Friday and he is happy to run this alongside the Nursing assessment. I'm not sure that Ma will qualify for it yet despite her challenging behaviour but I am willing to try.

I vowed that I would not put her into care but her behaviour is becoming so difficult to deal with that I am happy to admit that I was naively optimistic. She is violent, not all the time and I hope I haven't given that impression, however her repetitive behaviour really is extremely challenging to anyone's sanity.

Then again we have just done two giggling choruses of 'Goodnight Sweetheart' whilst waltzing to bed, so it's not all bad.

Not at all.


  1. When my mother was diagnosed 'NHS continuing care' (for cancer, not dementia) the support system that kicked in was tremendous.
    You deserve as much support as you can get, either to keep her with you or to have her cared for so you can enjoy the good times and not the bad. I would go for it!

  2. It's a balancing act, isn't it? Benefits to you and her you can quantify one day, but the situation is constantly changing. I would keep your options as open as possible, and the assessments will hopefully do that. But those moments of singing and dancing to bed - priceless.

  3. I know things have changed since you wrote this, but I want to add that 3 weeks ago, a friend had to get his mother, who also has dementia, into a care home. There really was no alternative at the time.

    The change in her has been amazing. She was morose, distrustful, and wouldn't wash or change her clothes. Now she's very happy, has made friends with another woman there and is completely different to how she was at home.

    I'm not saying this is always the result, but I thought you might like to know this, as it might make that decision easier for you if that time comes. Magster