We can rebuild her

Thankfully Ma finally went to theatre at 08:00 yesterday morning. I went to afternoon visiting but she was still very much out of it, incapable of focusing never mind conversation. Well, I say that but she was clearly having a conversation with someone. Probably giving my dad a hard time (for a change...). However not so out of it not to try getting out of bed or remove her drip or catheter.

I'm sure she'll be much better today and hope she wasn't too troublesome for the night staff. I did buy them doughnuts as an apology in advance.

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Just spoken to the Ward Sister:  'From a physio point of view she's going to be smashing....' Or in other words 'We can't keep her in bed.'

Tooting my own trumpet for a second

This chap http://www.robertaldridge.com/ has included my poem Saga Love in his LoveSongs song cycle which has just been published. I feel incredibly honoured and flattered.

Does this make me a proper published person now rather than just a cook book writer?

Edited to add the poem. Just in case you are one of the few people I haven't already forced this upon.

Saga Love

Love me when I'm old and shocking
Peel off my elastic stockings
Swing me from the chandeliers
Let's be randy bad old dears

Push around my chromed bath chair
Let me tease your nasal hair
Scaring children, swapping dentures
Let us have some great adventures

Take me to the Dogs and Bingo
Teach me how to speak the lingo
Bone my eels and bring me tea
Show me how it's meant to be

Take me to your special places
Watching all the puzzled faces
You in shorts and socks and sandals
Me with warts and huge love-handles

As the need for love enthrals
Wrestle with my dampproof smalls
Make me laugh without constraint
Buy me chocolate body paint

Hold me safe throughout the night
When my hair has turned to white
Believe me when I say it's true
I've waited all my lives for you

Best laid plans and all that...

I love the rain. And I especially love watching it through the triple patio doors in the living room. So after ringing the ward to check on Ma I was sitting here this morning with a pint of tea, a Dick Francis and a view of the birds dodging the rain to get to the feeders, feeling quite content.

At 10:30 the phone rang. It was the Ward Sister. Ma had refused point blank to take any medication whatsoever and wouldn't let anyone near her 'until my daughter gets here'. So I threw on some clothes and got there within 30 minutes of the phonecall.

She was delighted to see me and took her medication without any fuss, then over the next few of hours she had an echo-cardiogram, a chest x-ray and a catheter fitted (had refused to go to the loo since arrival!). I left her at 4pm because my car park ticket had run out and I'd not had chance to get any cash on the way in, plus she was due to go down to surgery at any time and H had been on her own all day.

The ward rang at 5 to say that they had 'run out of theatre time' so she wouldn't be going this evening. On the plus side Ma could have something to eat and drink and Laura said that she was quite happy chatting and laughing but suggested I ring at half 6 to see how she was doing. Which I did.

Inevitably she'd had a bit of a mood swing. This started when Laura mentioned that she'd spoken to me on the phone...

You've spoken to my Bee on the phone??

Yes. She said you had to roll over so we could check you for sore bits. (which she duly did)

*Cue mutinous look and pursed lips.

Well I can't wait for my lovely boy to come back from Spain. When I go there it's always so wonderful. We go for walks and have ice cream and he holds my hand...

Laura said she's in a huge sulk, has clearly forgotten that I've spent 5 hours with her and none of the food they offered was acceptable.

I'm battling years and years of conditioning and gamely attempting not to feel guilty but it's so hard.

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Several things today:

Constantly bundling up the covering sheet on her bed.

Joining in with every single conversation going on on the ward! Luckily people are so kind and just let her butt in.

Telling me, whenever a member of nursing staff walked by, that they were from Liverpool.

Very very chatty but making very little sense.

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You'll be going down for your operation soon Ma

What? Another one?

I'll have what she's having

The hospital are keeping Ma well medicated. She's on the list for surgery in the morning and is not in any distress at all. But possibly somewhere near Pluto right now.

During a brief moment this afternoon when she woke up long enough to realise we were there:


Hello mum. How are you? Can you feel any pain?

I don't think so

Well you'll feel much better after the operation

Are you having an operation?

No, you are.

Am I? Where??

Here. In the hospital.

What for?

You fell yesterday and broke your hip.

Did I? I don't remember that.

Oh well, don't worry about it. Have you had some lunch?

Yes I had some brushes.

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The fallout from this is likely to be quite marked. Notwithstanding the mobility issue, which I hope will be minimal, this is exactly the sort of thing to generate a noticeable decline.

Things that catch you unawares

Paramedics are wonderful people. As soon as they arrive on the scene you feel as if everything is going to be ok. Yesterday was no exception. They were calm and efficient, asking questions and jollying Ma along with just the right amount of humour.

As they were wheeling Ma out of the house, one of them turned to me and said he remembered taking my Dad to hospital last December.

I suddenly realised that that would've been the last time Dad was in this house.

Cue overwhelming and unexpected tears.

24 Hours

What a difference a day makes....

Ma is in hospital after falling in the kitchen and fracturing her hip.

Looking back on it there was a moment when I could've prevented this but she can be so arsey about me 'doing things' for her and she was determined to take her lunch tray out to the kitchen so I let her do it. I should've been my usual bossy and controlling self.

30 seconds later she was calling me to help her up off the floor. She says that she fell over the dog but the dog was sitting behind me on the chair at the time. I suspect that either she clattered over her own slippers (she gets tangled and they are not a snug fit) or she's had another TIA. The latter would be my favourite. I helped her up off the floor and once I could see that she wasn't willing to take any weight on her left leg I rang for an ambulance even though she kept saying that it didn't hurt. The paramedics strapped her into a chair, offered gas and air and whisked her off.

At the hospital she looked frail and old and was still saying that it didn't hurt much but she was very restless. The A&E Doctor was pleasantly dismissive about Ma needing to be there for much longer after examining her but obviously x-rays are needed to rule out any other problems. We went to X-ray, then after what seemed like a very long time we had the extra bonus of an ECG and some blood taken. Then the A&E Doctor came in to say that it had come as a surprise to them (her?) to learn that Ma had a broken hip and that she must have really good pain resistance. Or perhaps she has dementia, and yes I did tell them several times, and the fact that this means she can't always process how she feels into a neat reply and tell you.

We had a scary hour or two when there wasn't a bed to be had and she could've ended up pretty much anywhere in Lancashire, Cheshire or Greater Manchester. Thankfully the orthopaedic ward clearly shuffled some poor sod off home and Ma has a bed.

Surgery tomorrow is a definite maybe.

Will keep you posted....

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In the midst of posting this, talking to people on the phone, sending emails and replying to texts I suddenly had a nosebleed. Crikey!  Stressed much? Or maybe just some weak capillaries.

Sunday

We're baa-ack.... and a soundbite update because I'm tired and wishing I was still in the Lakes and need my bed. H and I had a really lovely weekend with E and P in the Lakes; relaxed, fun, fab food and almost enough HP. The gaps were filled nicely by Up (Squirrel!! ----->)

Ma had a lovely time with Dave and Glen, visiting Liverpool and eating Thai food (I bet she didn't just eat the coconut prawns this time!), visiting her sister and seeing Orla. Dave did comment on how much Ma has deteriorated recently.

We've had tears, false memories and emotional fallout when we arrived home, however. And some incredibly harsh asides to H which I batted away hoping that H didn't hear. I have enough baggage from my mother's comments about me when I was growing up without her visiting them upon my daughter. Unintentioned, dementia driven or otherwise.

Normal service resumes tomorrow.

Change of plans

Unexpected extra evening with Ma today, so the plan for Harry Potter and Nandos with H will have to be shelved until a later date - it's not easy to find a Ma-sitter at short notice!. I might see if Mavis would like to come and spend the evening with us after visiting Vic this afternoon. Ma would like that.

Musing on what to do this lovely rainy morning. Suggestions welcome...

More later. Enjoy your day :)

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Would you like a cup of coffee Mum?

I'll do it. Do you want one?

No thanks, I don't drink coffee.

*sounds of an awful lot of stirring going on*

That'll be tea with mascarpone cheese then. Better than coffee and salad cream I suppose. Just.

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Good news! Ma is to be re-referred to Dr Prasad, the dementia specialist who initially gave her the dx in January. I think this is a very good thing. I know that there's a lot of support out there (notwithstanding Sue and Barry who are both brilliant) and this can only be a positive move. Ma will be thrilled to see Dr Prasad again. Not. He is the one who told her to stop driving, something she is still insisting she can do (fear not, her car is now SORN and without insurance or a working battery). So that will be fun. Do I tell her beforehand and suffer the consequences of her refusing to attend and the resulting nightmare, or not tell her and then have to strong arm her into the clinic when she realises where she's going.

Either way, it's going to be messy.

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Time off tomorrow for a few days. See you Sunday :)

What a difference...

... a day makes! Ma has been much calmer today.

It did start with the smoke alarm going off though. This was because she tried to turn off the shower herself but always just turns the temperature dial. This means if she turns it the hot way we get full on super-heated Aga hot water. Anyone who has an Aga will know just how bloody hot this is. Cue clouds and clouds of steam and the smoke alarm going mental, I was in serious risk of scalding myself trying to turn it off. I've suggested that she doesn't try to turn it off any longer because she never manages to do so even if I tell her how to do it. She simply cannot process directions any longer, not being able to take the tray out is another example of this. However, she'll remember for a day or so and then start doing it herself again. So I think the time has come to actually stand in the bathroom while she is in the shower.

She's rocking the layered look today, with an interesting selection of garments, but has managed to stick to black, white and a combination of the two. And I may have to have to do something about her Elnett addiction, she sprays and re-sprays her hair many times a day. Her hairspray bill is threatening to overtake my wine bill!

Other than thinking that Peter is coming to pick her up any moment (or Dave and Glen or Jo and Ian...) she's been ok today. Plenty of confusion of course but no tears.

I'm dropping her off with Dave and Glen tomorrow then H and I are running away to the Lakes for a couple of days.

I took Mavis to see Vic in hospital this afternoon. He looks so much better now that his hernia has been repaired - his colouring has completely changed. However, his continued low blood pressure is a worry so he's still in the high dependency unit for the next day or two at least. This may delay taking Ma to D&G if Mavis needs a lift to the hospital, but it's not a big problem, Ma won't know any different and our plans to go and see HP on the way back from Warrington can be put back to a later showing.

Feeling a bit meh

Yesterday was a quiet day after all the excitement of going out for lunch and seeing Peggy on Sunday.

Apart from Ma asking me take the top off a bottle of toilet cleaner so that she could wash her face (eek) nothing much to report.

Today we've been to the dementia cafe again. This month a lady from Pets As Therapy brought her great dane Maisie along, who was lovely. Huge but gentle and so well behaved. Ma had a good chat with Barry and I talked to Joanie, one of the volunteers, about how she had cared for both of her parents. She's very inspirational and gave me lots of suggestions.

In the car on the way home Ma was clearly in a mood. Turns out that I had the temerity to talk to someone else and she could see that 'I was really having a good talk about her' so I told her quite calmly what the conversation had actually been about. We've been home for over an hour and she is still in 'Skipton' mode. Weeping into a tissue and refusing to look at or speak to me.

It gets wearisome sometimes. Hence the meh.

Some good news though. Ma will be going for a full day at the Grundy Centre, complete with minibus collection, lunch and a member of staff with her at all times. Unfortunately it isn't until 22nd of September. Slap bang in the middle of my longed for week away in the Lakes. Will have to see if Peter can cover, if not I'll have to ask for another date.

More later maybe. When I feel a little less downhearted.

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Due to the outstanding support of people on here, Twitter and Facebook I feel an awful lot better. Thank you xxx