Saturday musings

Yesterday was a better day, she's still very confused but was slightly less agitated. Harriet arrives at 3pm so we're taking the tram to the station. Not sure how much Ma will enjoy it though, her boredom threshold is very low and it is a two hour round trip with connections etc. but I can't leave her on her own for so long. Notwithstanding the usual problems she now won't go to the loo without 'asking permission' and if I'm not here she waits until I am.

Ooh the swingy hammock seat has just been delivered so putting that up will keep me busy tomorrow!

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Things I must not get annoyed about this week:

Asking when Peter will be back. He left last Saturday and isn't due back until the end of August.

Dumping food covered plates/used teabags/tissues in the washing up water.

Listening to a one-sided continual circular conversation with the dog. Even the dog looks fed up.

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H arrived safe and sound despite her forgetting her ticket - long story - and yes, I'm afraid I did cry a bit on the platform when she arrived.

We had to park a little way away from the station in Bury and walk through the market. Ma didn't recognise any of it despite shopping there for the best part of 40 years - these are the most difficult moments to deal with, there's a shameful little part of you that doesn't believe it.

Ma was bored with the journey within 5 minutes of getting on the tram which wasn't a huge surprise. When we got to the station I sat her down and organised a hot chocolate (the drink of choice atm). We only had to wait 10 minutes for H's train so it worked out really well. Home via Comet for a wireless dongle and printer for H's pc then home where I've thrown together a cottage pie at my daughter's request.

As I was doing this Ma had a sudden meltdown with tears and false memories accusing me of all sorts of things then insisted on going round to the neighbours and dragging their daughter back (who is at least 19) in an attempt to force a friendship. H was horribly embarrassed and we all stood in the hall scuffing our feet for a while. Ma also returned with a huge gin and tonic...

Exhausting day in so many ways.

Actually...

... it's been awful today.

She's just asked me to show her where the bathroom is because she's never used it before.

Earlier she asked me if I had a father, didn't know how to eat a boiled egg or open an envelope.

The last 40 minutes have been spent zipping and unzipping compartments in the empty handbag looking for something.

Behaviours I haven't seen before.

I get it wrong again.

I don't know how I'm going to get home.

Where from?

The airport.

Are you going away? (jollying her along)

Home. I need something to show me how to get home.

You are home Mum.

Yes I suppose so. But I need to go home.

(rummaging through empty handbag)

There's nothing in here to show me how to get home. I'll take this with me.

What do you need that for?

Well you never know. People are always putting labels on their things at the airport.

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Yesterday Ma got very distressed because she feels that she never goes anywhere. We talked about her weekend away etc. but she still felt that she didn't go out enough. So today I suggested we had a trip to the garden centre because I needed to buy dog food and bird food.

We got there in good spirits and had a sit in one of those swing-seat hammock things that I really would like and Ma also likes. After picking up a bag of dog food we wandered via the cook shop bit (what?? I didn't buy anything ok? Just looking...) and then Ma spotted the cafe and asked if we were going to have something to eat. So she sat down and I organised some chips ('no just some chips') and a coffee for her. After three chips and two sips of coffee she got very ansty and said she didn't want to be there so we left. In the car I got an earful about how she hadn't wanted to go out in the first place.

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At approximately 5pm every evening she has started talking about going to visit the neighbours and despite my best attempts to keep this to a few times a week, she will not be dissuaded. It struck me this evening that the reason for this is that I no longer keep alcohol (well wine or sherry) in the house. She told me last night that the lack of wine was 'disgusting'.I suspect she's off round the neighbours hoping for the odd snifter.

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Ma your top is on inside out.

Oh it doesn't matter.

Well it does actually. You've got aerofoils again like the other day when Jane was here. You need to take it off and turn it right side out.

*whips off top*

Whoa. Maybe a bra would be a good idea too.

(I never learn!)

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Food things:

Utterly lovely broccoli soup made from the Aga stock, broccoli, a small onion and about 2 oz of blue cheese. Gorgeous.

Picky plate day - so slumpy brie, Palma ham, olives, gherkins, capers, pate, pepperoni crisps, hard boiled eggs and anchovies.

Gah! I spoke too soon...

We've just had a Mexican standoff.

Ma is off to a Ladies' Club meeting this evening. Mavis rang at 3:00 to check that Ma was planning on going and said that she would be picked up at 6:45

By 3:15 Ma was dressed and waiting by the front door. I tempted her back into the living room at 4:00 with the promise of some programme set in Africa which she likes but every time a car goes by she's up checking if her lift has arrived. No amount of reiteration that her lift is arriving at 6:45 makes one jot of difference.

Any attempt to get her to change her choice of clothing has been met with a brick wall. She's wearing one of those old fashioned winter vests, a black and white lurex and sequin bespangled edge-to-edge jacket and a sage green 'Mother of the bride' style jacket over the top along with maroon velour track suit bottoms. I think she's planning on putting her purple corduroy coat on as well.

It distresses me that she will be open to ridicule (there was talk when she went in her slippers last time) but I can't force her to change if she doesn't want to.

Or talk her out of going.

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Just given her some tea.

'That was lovely. I'll give you some money for it later.'


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Watching a blackbird collecting the mealworms I chuck in the garden for them. He's got about nine worms stacked in his mouth and can't pick over the leaves with his beak any longer so he's kicking the leaf litter over. Looks very funny indeed :)

Yesterday

No fall-out yesterday! I take this to mean that Ma thoroughly enjoyed her weekend away and wasn't stressed about it at all. Bryan and Lily took her at various points to see both daughters, grand daughter and great-grandchildren which Ma would have loved. So yesterday she was in an ok mood for most of the day and ate reasonably well. I did have to jolly her along for a while and persuade her out of going to bed at half 6, but that's about all.

This morning she was all for wearing shorts and a backless top on the greyest coolest day we've had and would not be persuaded otherwise. After wandering in the garden with the dog for a few minutes she then appeared in a velour tracksuit, fleece and woolly socks! Sue arrived for my Carer's Assessment meeting so I sorted Ma's breakfast and we went to sit in a different room to Ma because she was watching tv and we needed a bit of quiet to fill in the forms. This didn't go down very well unfortunately. After Sue had left I found Ma in the living room wearing her coat and shivering. I asked her why she hadn't put the heater on (something she can still manage to do) and was told, in that particular tone of voice that it didn't matter. Although I knew, I asked what was wrong and she stated that she didn't think it was right and that she should be around when I was discussing her. When I said that actually we were talking about me and my needs not her I could tell that she didn't believe me. The only thing I can do at times like these is to be quietly assertive and repeat what I've said, without heat, until she accepts what I'm saying. It can take a while...

She's just had a toasted cheese and tomato sandwich and a hot chocolate and is quite happy again, dozing in front of the news.

Update later...

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Food things for those who are interested...

I'm back on low carb with a vengence. I just cannot continue to expand like I have been doing and the only thing I can stick to for any length of time is low carb. But without all the farting around which has crept in, making it very-not-low-carb-at-all and therefore makes-you-fat-very-quickly-and-efficiently. So with that in mind... for brunch I did a really gorgeous frittata with chorizo, courgette, feta, mint and basil. Then I poached a large chook in the afternoon. Ma had it with new potatoes and a few veggies. I had it with courgettes, leeks and celery in a cream and stilton sauce.

Courgettes are likely to feature highly for the next few days because I came back from Cornwall with a carrier bag full of them courtesy of JT! I also stripped the chicken carcass and shoved it in the stock pot with the usual suspects and then left it in the bottom of the Aga overnight. Easiest way I know to make proper stock :) So some sort of soup is on the agenda. I rather fancy cauliflower. Maybe. Or...watercress and celery. Or spinach and stilton. Or all of them!

Breakfast was a couple of sausages, a few very thin slices of tomato dressed with a little salt and a few drips of cider vinegar and a slice of lovely slumped Brie.

Lunch will be chicken, coleslaw, gherkins, green salad and cheese.

Just about to cook a piece of ham for later. Not sure what I'll do with it yet.

Monday Monday

Set off from Cheltenham this morning (via Devon from Cornwall yesterday) and collected Ma from Bryan and Lily who have given her a fabulous weekend and looked after her so well. I can't tell you how grateful I am to them for making it possible for me to run away to Cornwall and have a weekend celebrating four significant birthdays - it turns out it was 1 x 30, 1 x 40 and 2 x 50. Fantastic weekend. A bit tired now....

You will hear me moan about my joints because of the weekend and all the driving for several days to come - just ignore me, all self-inflicted.

It's Ma's birthday today. 81 years young and it has been ok, I expected a lot of tears but that hasn't happened. She did shock me slightly by asking for a kebab for tea though! It appears that Peter bought a chicken kebab (not the scary elephant's leg stuff, the chunks of meat on a skewer thing) for her last Thursday and she liked it so much she asked for another one... too funny. Seriously.

Had my lovely ex SIL here for a few hours this afternoon and she is great with Ma. When Ma walked out of the bedroom wearing a jacket on inside out which had the biggest shoulder pads you've ever seen, Jane took Ma to look in the mirror and asked her if she was planning on taking off... am still giggling about that.

Ma is now in bed but we just shared a phone call from Glen to say that we have a new baby in the family - Piper Grace, sister to Orla Hope. Beautiful names for beautiful girls.

Tomorrow might be a fallout day, we'll see. But it is usual for Ma to be on a downer after so much excitement. I have a meeting with the Dementia Cafe people about their cook book and I've made nanaimo bars to try and convince them that I'm legit.

Just to say

I'm having a lovely weekend off in Cornwall. Mum is staying with friends, I will be collecting her first thing tomorrow and then back to normal.

Hope you're all having a lovely weekend x

Moussaka (for Dee!)

This worked really well and was delicious. It's not hugely different to my usual recipe, but the method has changed slightly. Recently I've found that supermarket lamb mince is increasingly fattier than it used to be (I wonder if it has anything to do with costs?) and can make moussaka unpleasantly greasy so I tried doing it this way. I used mascarpone and double cream because that was what was in the fridge but greek yoghurt, fomage frais, cottage cheese... any combination of these would do. For carb-phobics, there's only a tiny amount of potato in each serving, but by all means leave it out of the dish if you prefer.

500g lamb mince
1 aubergine
1 large baking potato, peeled and finely sliced
1 courgette, diced
1 onion, finely diced
1/2 tsp crushed dried chilli
1 tbs dried oregano
1 tsp ground cinnamon
2 good squirts of tomato puree
200 ml red wine
1 lamb stock cube
200g mascarpone
2 eggs
double cream
Finely grated parmesan (optional)

Start by frying the mince in a large non-stick pan over a medium heat. You want to render as much fat out of the meat as possible. Once the mince is starting to brown place a sieve over a bowl, tip in the mince and allow to drain. I also wadded up several pieces of kitchen paper and pushed out as much as possible. Wipe out the pan, place it back on the heat and return the meat. Add the diced onion and courgette and continue frying for another couple of minutes. Then add the herbs and spices, tomato puree, wine and stock cube. Bring up to the boil then simmer gently until the liquid has all but evaporated. Spoon into a deep ovenproof casserole.

Prick the aubergine all over then place on a microwaveable plate with a tablespoon of water and cover with cling film. Microwave on high until cooked through and soft when poked with a finger (careful it will be very very hot!). Remove from the microwave and allow to cool slightly then dice roughly.

Cover the meat with overlapping slices of potato then spread the cooked aubergine over the top.

Beat the eggs into the mascarpone then add enough cream to give the consistency of pouring custard. Pour the topping over the aubergine and sprinkle with parmesan (if using). Bake in a moderate oven (gas mark 4 / 180c) for approximately 50 minutes until puffed up and golden brown on top and the potato is cooked. Check after 20 minutes and if the top is browning too quickly cover the dish with some aluminium foil to prevent burning.

Ruby Tuesday

Well today was fun.

It started ok - usual early start and me telephoning H and G and getting no reply from either so phoned Will to wake them up. Ma overheard the conversation I had with Will about Harriet ('yes I know she's a pain' 'she always ignores me' 'it will be better when she's away for the summer' etc.) and assumed the conversation was about her.

Cue Skipton-like behaviour culminating in a two hour sit in the garden, shivering, but refusing to interact or speak to me. I managed to persuade her inside eventually and made her a cup of tea. Within fifteen minutes she was happily chatting about the dog and her (dog's) impending haircut.

Dropped her off with Mave and Vic at 14:00 and ran away. Literally. Went to have my eyelashes enhanced and very lovely they look too. However to be fair, they had me at 'you will have to lie on a bed and do nothing for two hours'. Fantastic.

It was a lovely afternoon - fab swishy lashes and a relaxing almost meditation - you can't talk or open your eyes when having eyelash enhancement.

The Showaddywaddy 'Under The Moon of Love' earworm was a bit of a bugger though.

Oh boy!

Today started with a bang. Well a 05:30 wake up call asking me to turn the shower on. Told her to go back to bed but gave in at half 6 after listening to her banging about in a sulk.

She is wearing a diamante belt as a necklace and one of those scrubby bath gloves as a sock. Her vocabulary is very poor and she's in a terrible mood.

Lunch was interesting - she insisted on making her own today. So she boiled new potatoes and mushrooms together in the same pan then broke an egg into some boiling water and stirred it vigorously until cooked. I stayed out of the way but made sure she didn't leave the gas on etc. Oh I lie, I did get involved at one point when I stopped her putting a whole egg in the microwave. I can honestly say that that was not the most appetising plate of food I've ever seen but as she appeared to be making a point, she ate the lot.

I had cheese and tomatoes.

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I think I've reached my tolerance limit and a weekend off can't come soon enough. It will involve a lot of driving but I'm heading to Devon on Thursday morning to be with H on her birthday then down to Cornwall on Friday for a big fat party on Saturday - 1 x 30th, 2 x 40th and 1 x 50th (or is it 1 x 40th and 2 x 50th?...) anyway very much looking forward to it. Back on Sunday. Then H is hopping on the train the following Saturday for 6 weeks of fun with her mum. Can't bloody wait.

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This evening I'd planned to cook coq au riesling but Ma didn't fancy chicken so I did smoked haddock and mornay sauce which she almost ate.

She's worn 5 different jackets this afternoon, asked me several times when Peter is arriving and we had a very confused conversation where she used the words 'thing' and 'place' a lot. As in 'We went to the place and watched the things and you were there but we didn't let you go and then we went to the other place and did the thing (lots of gesticulation during this whole conversation) and then we left. And that's all about it.'

No clue. But I do try to fathom what she's trying to say - it's very hit and miss though especially as she has so many false memories now.

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Early bed for Ma which doesn't bode well for a lie in tomorrow. When I say lie in, anything beyond 6am is good. I'm off to have my eyelashes extended tomorrow and the bloody wonderful Mavis and Vic have offered to have her for afternoon tea. Thank the Lord. Imagine me trying to relax on the chair and Ma free to wander at will through the salon. Breaking into a sweat just thinking about it.