Guilt

I am doing this because I can't bear the thought of someone else looking after my mother. I remember when my grandmother was in hospital on a geriatric ward many years ago. One of the other ladies there was an ex-headmistress who was clearly in late stage dementia. I got quite upset by the way the staff spoke to her - they weren't rude or brusque and certainly weren't unkind. It just upset me that they called her Annie. Not Miss Rose. Just Annie. I know it didn't matter to her but it felt so disrespectful to me. I would hate that to happen to Ma.

However. There's always a however isn't there?

I am adopted and my relationship with my mother has always been fraught with a range of volatile emotions. Dislike, annoyance, distress. She can be extremely cruel and unkind even without the added boost of dementia. She always says that she loves me but her actions and words have often said a different thing.

But she is my mother. And that means that I will look after her to the best of my ability.

She's just told me she's never had broccoli before... My children will find that interesting. They often mention the greige coloured cauli and broccoli which was ladelled from the hostess trolley on Christmas Day. We all suspected that it had been sprinkled liberally with fart powder for added oomph.