My mother was diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2010. This is a blog about coming to terms with her absent mind.

Friday, 16 December 2011

Another weekend 16/12


I'm finding Ma particularly difficult and exhausting to cope with today, being up since 4am doesn't help I suppose. Well, that and trying to follow a conversation which has no start, middle, end, subject or grounding in anything remotely close to reality. Add to that a multitude of repetitive behaviours, sobbing and physical nastiness and you have a fairly trying day. She's not the only one who feels like sobbing. I'm fighting to get her to eat something (at the moment anything would do - I'd buy her a bag of Haribo if that would work) and trying to keep her awake until at least 6pm. But it isn't looking like a battle I'm going to win.

I had a hospital appointment this morning so Ma came too of course. It wasn't really a problem other than her wishing to speak to every single person we passed in the corridors, queued with or sat next to. Most people are really nice and can usually see that she has mental health problems but you do get the odd one or two who can be a bit brusque. Then all the way through my consultation with the respiratory technician she kept up a constant chatter which was a wee bit distracting but I know my way around a CPAP machine so it was ok. If I'd been new to it though it would have been impossible to concentrate.

However, I have good news about the day centre, she starts at the new one on Jan 11th so next Thursday is her last day at Grundy. It would have been the 4th of Jan but she's in respite care until the 5th. The only downside is that they've ony offered her one day despite the consultant saying she needs two. Barry is visiting next week so I'll ask him about it then.

Hearing about everyone going off to Christmas lunches, drinks and parties is putting me in a fine sulk! I might step off the wagon tonight and order a takeaway too as compensation.


We made it to 6:15 by dint of bribery, corruption and making a lot of noise. I am not having a takeaway, I've cooked instead. Just sitting here eating it (7:00) and in comes Ma all smiley saying she's had a lovely night's sleep. My suggestion that she might want to go back to bed because she was so tired earlier has fallen on stony ground.

Well, one of us will be in bed before long. My money is on me.



Another day, another 4am start and a bit of a rollercoaster day since then.

I managed to nip out to the butchers early doors and get the chipolatas, chestnuts and some sausagemeat so that I can do some more preparation for Christmas day - once I'd chipped the solid ice off my car that is! When I got back Ma was ready to get up so we did the usual morning things but she couldn't settle for long on the sofa and spent a large part of the day pacing, bundling etc. I do find it quite difficult to cope with the fact that she has to follow me everywhere. I know she needs the reassurance but sometimes I really feel the need to scream at not having any personal space.

This afternoon we've had a continual three-way 'conversation' between Ma, me and the TV, musical chairs, occasional sobbing and regular sojourns to the front door. I really do try to follow what she's saying but it is nigh on impossible. I can't even nod and play along because she expects me to answer and gets seriously angry when I don't provide the response she's expecting. I can't win!



  1. I do find it quite difficult to cope with the fact that she has to follow me everywhere. I know she needs the reassurance but sometimes I really feel the need to scream at not having any personal space.

    My gosh yes. YES. I understand exactly.

  2. It might seem a strange suggestion, but I wonder if she'd like one of those very realistic baby dolls? Or a microwaveable teddy bear? Sainsburys sell some cheap ones.


  3. Hi Marlene :) I'm so glad I'm not the only one!

    A - that's not a bad idea actually although those dolls really creep me out... I might have a look in Tesco later.