Sunday

I've had to add Sunday as a separate day because the photo in the last post buggered up the formatting for some reason.

Today has been more of the same but with the added frisson of going for a nap and taking the bedside light into bed with her along with a glass of water which naturally tipped over and soaked lamp, Ma and duvet. Thank goodness she didn't electrocute herself, I feel sick at the thought of what could've happened. So that's her bedside water glass removed from now on.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of Dad's death and I'm already very tearful. Now that Ma has gone to bed I can cry openly without distressing her. She doesn't understand of course, she thinks he died years ago which is incredibly distressing in itself.

I'm so glad that H is coming tomorrow as it will give me something else to focus on during the day. By the time I've gone to fetch her from Manchester, braved Primark to pad out the inevitable one pair of pants and a T shirt which will be stuffed into her suitcase (alongside the Wii, her graphics tablet, her 3DS and all her pencils, polychromos and other sundry art materials - you know, all the important things) then manhandled the Christmas tree inside and decorated it and fed her a chicken dinner, I shall be tired and hopefully not too emotional. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't miss him dreadfully but I hope that now this year of firsts has passed I can start to remember him without so many tears.

Someone asked on a forum the other day what the highs and lows of the last year had been and to be truthful there haven't been many highs - the birth of my granddaughter, a week in the Lake District and seeing my children in the summer are the main things. The lows have been many, varied and at times very very deep. I hope next year will be much lighter all round.