My mother was diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2010. This is a blog about coming to terms with her absent mind.

Sunday, 10 July 2011


It has been a relatively quiet weekend, albeit with the usual repetitions and the odd bizarre moment now and then...

Watching Anjum Anand on Saturday Kitchen Ma declares she likes Indian food. This comes as a shocking revelation to me because she's never liked anything remotely spicy and has always been fairly entrenched in the belief that Indian food is quite possibly the work of the Devil, but keen to extend our menu choices I suggest a takeaway curry for tea. I give her a tiny portion each of chicken makhan (mildest thing on the menu) rice and saag paneer and bugger me if she doesn't eat most of it and enjoy it. Can't tell you how much this pleases me.

I reckon we've only discussed her trip to Knutsford next Friday roughly 27 times. And prone as I am to casual exaggeration, this is not hyperbole. The suitcase has been 'packed' (and then unpacked) many many times over.

Watching Something for the Weekend this morning she declared that Louise was married to Tim Lovejoy purely because she was sitting next to him and that Kevin Rowland is married to Denise Van Outen. If you don't watch the show or get the references then I'm sorry - but I found it highly amusing.

Then.... this afternoon we were watching an episode of Jonathan Creek. Usual plot - apparent impossible suicide in a locked room. Towards the end of the programme Ma suddenly began to get extremely upset and started sobbing.
Whatever's the matter?
He didn't commit suicide, I'm sure he didn't.
(me being dense thought we were talking about the tv)
No he didn't - they've just explained how it happened
But he didn't I'm sure he didn't
Your father.

There was more, but that's the essence of it. I reassured her that no, he hadn't committed suicide, he was in the hospice and that's where he died from prostate cancer. She has false memories about how he died, how she was told when he did and about what eventually killed him so it's always difficult for her poor love. I think only fluffy tv from here on in though. (kill me now)

Just watched Pride and Prejudice - the Matthew Macfadyen/Kiera Knightly version. I love love love that film it is very very high on my top 10 list. Ma enjoyed it but hadn't a chuffing clue what was going on, laughed at inappropriate moments etc. However she did get that Lady Catherine is an absolute bitch and that Mr Collins is an arse (love Tom Hollander, especially when they visit Lady Catherine and he does that obsequious half knee-bend thing, just makes me hoot with laughter every time). My favourite moment is after Mr Darcy has handed Elizabeth into the carriage and you see his hand flex. The finest depiction of repressed desire ever.

Other things... wearing two pairs of slippers at the same time... rinsing a plate badly and leaving it in the drainer so all the leftover mince slides off... hiding her pants... 'washing' her hair using conditioner and then not rinsing it out... everything on inside out... she wanted to go for lunch at the garden centre today but when we got there she no longer has any idea where the cafe is... lots and lots of lipstick atm, it sits well beyond her lip line and if I'm really honest, doesn't look great but do I tell her that? Nope. It would cause distress, so best to leave it be. Oh and the three-tea-bag cup of tea, made in a mug. My heart rate is nearly back to normal again but I'm not sure my teeth will ever recover.


  1. Oh goodness you made me laugh- you are doing a sterling job dearest and "Wee" can't wait to see you on Wednesday no "Wee" can't.....titters ans runs off E xxx

  2. The confusion about your dad's passing is very sad......poor Ma.