My mother was diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2010. This is a blog about coming to terms with her absent mind.

Sunday, 31 July 2011

Up and Down

Yesterday was another rollercoaster and today isn't looking much better.

Pootling about in the attic looking for a suitcase yesterday morning I found a barbeque. After I'd brought it downstairs Ma decided that as it was such a glorious day she'd like to invite Mavis and Vic round for a bbq so I whizzed off to the butchers and greengrocers for supplies. Good job I got there early, they were queueing out of the door at the butchers! Back home I prepped ribs, kebabs, salads etc. while Ma sat on the swingy seat with a coffee. I could see her through the kitchen window and called or waved occasionally making sure she was ok.

I was just making the sauce for the ribs when Ma came back inside and had a complete wobbly saying that she'd been stuck out there for two hours 'not allowed to come inside' and no one had been to sit with her. No amount of reasoning with her made a jot of difference, eventually ending in her lying on her bed and sobbing for about half an hour. Then she got up, came into the kitchen and apologised.

However, after this emotional storm she was incredibly confused. She kept saying she needed to go and say goodbye to 'my friends up the road' (the very same friends who were due to arrive in an hour for a bbq) because she was going somewhere but she didn't know where, and then fretting about packing a bag. When Mavis and Vic arrived she was pleasantly surprised to see them.

We had a lovely evening, Mavis and Vic are wonderful people and Vic tells truly excellent stories.

This morning we've had nothing but tears from the start. We are going out for lunch in half an hour and the way things are right now it's not going to be much fun. Hopefully Auntie Peggy can jolly her out of this. At least I've managed to persuade her to wear some trousers instead of a jumper as a skirt.


We had a lovely lunch with Auntie Peg, despite getting there via the scenic route (oops! Liverpool Docks anyone?) I had the carvery - why is it that even with the best intentions to keep your meal to sensible portions you end up with an explosion on a plate?? Ma had scampi and chips. Didn't manage all the scampi. Same can't be said for the chips. Or the sticky toffee pudding.

Once again we had problems with Ma and the car. For the fourth or fifth time in a row she's tried to get in the driver's seat or the rear passenger seat where H is already sitting, rather than the front passenger seat where she always sits. Then cannot open the door to get out unless she's trying to open the window when we're on the move, naturally. It's the same with several other things such as her breakfast tray. She cannot carry out the tray, only the table with the tray on or takes the dishes from the tray and leaves it behind. And getting dressed is becoming quite a problem. The inside-out, back-to-front or inappropriate choices for the occasion issue isn't new but wearing a top as a skirt or forgetting to dress half of you is.


Did you know there are two pills by my bed?

Yes those are your night time tablets.

Oh am I to take them then?

Yes please.

Oh that's new.


  1. She certainly does appear to be going downhill very quickly Bee. Is she under any specialist or someone you can talk to about it who has experience with these things? You must feel very alone. {hug}

  2. It varies from day to day to be honest Chris. The day centre should help though, lots of stimulation, and time off for me. She's 'under' the Dementia specialist but other than that, not much else. Her GP is very supportive though.

    Yes it is quite lonely but I thank the Lord and all His angels for the internet and for a very accomodating Cornishman who listens patiently to my rants every night. He must dread it :(

  3. Bee sweetheart . I have been there and I know how draining it can be , Just go with the flow , Not easy I know but the only way to keep your sanity . Take care and give our love to Ma .

    Margaret xx