It has been a truly awful day today. Constant crying, accusations, allegations, threats of suicide, calling for my dad, crying over and kissing his photograph etc.
I dont really feel like posting anything else. Sorry.
I just hope the medication starts working soon.
Monday, 31 October 2011
Ah well
Ma was up in the night and had a fall. I nearly broke my neck running downstairs. I managed to get her up and she was fine.
This morning she remembers falling but doesn't remember me picking her up. She is in a foul mood and there have been lots of tears. I am gradually realising just how much damage I did to myself - I appear to have sprained three fingers, thumb and wrist on left hand, sprained my right ankle and my back and neck are really stiffening up. Bugger.
Made some piccalilli though :) (I always forget just what a very messy job it is)
This morning she remembers falling but doesn't remember me picking her up. She is in a foul mood and there have been lots of tears. I am gradually realising just how much damage I did to myself - I appear to have sprained three fingers, thumb and wrist on left hand, sprained my right ankle and my back and neck are really stiffening up. Bugger.
Made some piccalilli though :) (I always forget just what a very messy job it is)
 |
| Piccalilli ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
Sunday, 30 October 2011
Morning All
We had a really good night. Ma slept through until 7 (which is effectively 8 for Ma) and my new bed is bliss on a stick.
However this morning... after giving her porridge in bed I started the shower going and she followed me into the bathroom. That was when I noticed she was wearing the wrappers from two incontinence pads on her feet. When I asked why (I know I know, but it's a normal reaction to ask these things) she said she wanted to 'keep my little feet ok in bed'. My suggestion that perhaps if she'd kept on the socks she went to bed in it would've been more effective was met with a blank stare. Then in the shower she wasn't able to wet the flannel and use the soap, just stood to the side of the water and rubbing away with a dry flannel. Instructions such as 'stand under the water mum' lead to her looking around but ignoring the raging torrent two inches to her left. Without physically manhandling her under the water it is very frustrating to deal with and I'm not about to start pushing her around. Apart from anything else, that leads to violence from her and I have to say that I would hate to be pushed around too so completely understand that reaction. Eventually we managed to get her under the water and using the soap and flannel properly but then teeth cleaning proved to be a challenge when you use the wrong end of the brush, then putting on her clothes etc.
We are now sitting in the lounge and have just started the daily ritual of who might be coming to visit. We've done both Peter and Simon at least 15 times already but now started on any and every person she can think of - quite a few of them don't have names and all appear to live 'up the road' or 'you go along then down and round'. Saying that it's Sunday and people usually have plans is a waste of breath. I've suggested going out for lunch but that's not good enough she wants visitors. I'm not ignoring her exactly but neither am I responding very much in the hopes that she will move onto something else eventually.
I think we will go to the supermarket shortly, I want to make some more chilli jelly and perhaps do some piccalilli so a pootle for supplies would be nice. Then while we are out perhaps we shall have some lunch somewhere.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We've had a maudlin day today with an awful lot of tears - glory but it gets a bit wearing at times. Lunch out was vetoed so I cooked a small roast dinner which she did actually eat, much to my surprise, but she's been trying to go to bed since 2pm. This is mainly because no one has visited and therefore the tv is boring, music is too loud and I had the temerity to make chilli jelly in the kitchen. (she was with me in the kitchen of course but I was still doing it on purpose).
It is now ten past six and she's just had a small crustless ham sandwich and her night time meds. She's about to put on her pyjamas (on her own - could be interesting) then I hope she'll watch a bit of tv before going to bed.
** Just checked and no she hadn't put her pyjamas on, she was in bed fully dressed - including shoes. When I made her get up and sort herself out she couldn't take off her trousers, tried to put her pj top on her legs...
Tomorrow I'm making piccalilli. Makes a note to wear a wetsuit. Last year all the turmeric and mustard powder ruined my clothes - I'm a very messy cook.
However this morning... after giving her porridge in bed I started the shower going and she followed me into the bathroom. That was when I noticed she was wearing the wrappers from two incontinence pads on her feet. When I asked why (I know I know, but it's a normal reaction to ask these things) she said she wanted to 'keep my little feet ok in bed'. My suggestion that perhaps if she'd kept on the socks she went to bed in it would've been more effective was met with a blank stare. Then in the shower she wasn't able to wet the flannel and use the soap, just stood to the side of the water and rubbing away with a dry flannel. Instructions such as 'stand under the water mum' lead to her looking around but ignoring the raging torrent two inches to her left. Without physically manhandling her under the water it is very frustrating to deal with and I'm not about to start pushing her around. Apart from anything else, that leads to violence from her and I have to say that I would hate to be pushed around too so completely understand that reaction. Eventually we managed to get her under the water and using the soap and flannel properly but then teeth cleaning proved to be a challenge when you use the wrong end of the brush, then putting on her clothes etc.
We are now sitting in the lounge and have just started the daily ritual of who might be coming to visit. We've done both Peter and Simon at least 15 times already but now started on any and every person she can think of - quite a few of them don't have names and all appear to live 'up the road' or 'you go along then down and round'. Saying that it's Sunday and people usually have plans is a waste of breath. I've suggested going out for lunch but that's not good enough she wants visitors. I'm not ignoring her exactly but neither am I responding very much in the hopes that she will move onto something else eventually.
I think we will go to the supermarket shortly, I want to make some more chilli jelly and perhaps do some piccalilli so a pootle for supplies would be nice. Then while we are out perhaps we shall have some lunch somewhere.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We've had a maudlin day today with an awful lot of tears - glory but it gets a bit wearing at times. Lunch out was vetoed so I cooked a small roast dinner which she did actually eat, much to my surprise, but she's been trying to go to bed since 2pm. This is mainly because no one has visited and therefore the tv is boring, music is too loud and I had the temerity to make chilli jelly in the kitchen. (she was with me in the kitchen of course but I was still doing it on purpose).
It is now ten past six and she's just had a small crustless ham sandwich and her night time meds. She's about to put on her pyjamas (on her own - could be interesting) then I hope she'll watch a bit of tv before going to bed.
** Just checked and no she hadn't put her pyjamas on, she was in bed fully dressed - including shoes. When I made her get up and sort herself out she couldn't take off her trousers, tried to put her pj top on her legs...
Tomorrow I'm making piccalilli. Makes a note to wear a wetsuit. Last year all the turmeric and mustard powder ruined my clothes - I'm a very messy cook.
 |
| Chilli Jelly |
Saturday, 29 October 2011
Meh...
Some days it is really hard to fire up the blogging fingers. Sometimes I feel that there isn't much to say, you've heard it all before or I'm just feeling overwhelmed by everything and can't put fingers to keyboard because it will just be another whinge about how difficult Ma is and how I deal with her. I really hope that that isn't why people follow this blog. I try to pick out the best bits of the day, good or bad, to highlight the way it is.
Today's post will be a mish mash.
So today has been a day of trial and trial, but all in the little things of life. Ma knew I had a bed being delivered today (on account of the fact that we looked at them yesterday and I couldn't get her off the one I picked!). From 8am she was already thinking the delivery service was rubbish because it hadn't arrived added to the usual thing about when Peter is coming (NEXT WEEK again every 10 or 15 minutes) meant for a slightly teeth grinding morning.
Getting dressed and showered is a list of instructions. Some are followed, most are not. It is a constant battle between enabling (sp?) and taking over.
The bed arrived at midday. I was slightly disconcerted that the £39 delivery charge included me helping the delivery man shove the mattress up the stairs and definitely means that I will be in a lot of pain tomorrow. Even typing this hurts. Sigh. EDS is crap. But I have a lovely bed, the bed of beds.
Ma has been in a clingy mood today which means loo visits etc. are accompanied. It really is like having a 5ft tall, 81 year old toddler.
I made chilli jelly tonight and it looks so beautiful. I think I will have to make some more. I must admit that I've just realised that I can do some serious chutney/preserving stuff now that I'm unemployed. I did some when the children were small, but now I have the time and could preserve the entire country. Blissful smile.
Ma is on the new meds from tonight. I hope I hope she will sleep through but I fear I will be up at 0 Dark Hundred Hours because the clocks go back tonight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
More later possibly.
Today's post will be a mish mash.
So today has been a day of trial and trial, but all in the little things of life. Ma knew I had a bed being delivered today (on account of the fact that we looked at them yesterday and I couldn't get her off the one I picked!). From 8am she was already thinking the delivery service was rubbish because it hadn't arrived added to the usual thing about when Peter is coming (NEXT WEEK again every 10 or 15 minutes) meant for a slightly teeth grinding morning.
Getting dressed and showered is a list of instructions. Some are followed, most are not. It is a constant battle between enabling (sp?) and taking over.
The bed arrived at midday. I was slightly disconcerted that the £39 delivery charge included me helping the delivery man shove the mattress up the stairs and definitely means that I will be in a lot of pain tomorrow. Even typing this hurts. Sigh. EDS is crap. But I have a lovely bed, the bed of beds.
Ma has been in a clingy mood today which means loo visits etc. are accompanied. It really is like having a 5ft tall, 81 year old toddler.
I made chilli jelly tonight and it looks so beautiful. I think I will have to make some more. I must admit that I've just realised that I can do some serious chutney/preserving stuff now that I'm unemployed. I did some when the children were small, but now I have the time and could preserve the entire country. Blissful smile.
Ma is on the new meds from tonight. I hope I hope she will sleep through but I fear I will be up at 0 Dark Hundred Hours because the clocks go back tonight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
More later possibly.
Friday, 28 October 2011
All in all...
... if you ignore the awful start it has been a very successful day.
She wasn't in a great mood when I took in her meds this morning. Fridays are always a bit of a challenge because that's when she has her alendronic acid tablet and has to sit upright for thirty minutes before having anything else. She also has to drink a full glass of water. Which, as you know, she hates. So in between all the burping and whingeing it feels a lot longer than thirty minutes I can tell you! After tea and other meds we set off for the bathroom. She knew we were going somewhere today but couldn't remember where.
Now I hope you are all wearing your Alanis Morissette Irony Hats because when I said she was going to see the dementia doctor she remembered everything about the last time she saw him and that she'd decided she hated him. She last saw him in February. Eight months ago. Why can't she retain the fact that Peter isn't coming after ten minutes has lasped? Every ten minutes. All day. Every day.
So my little blogettes, what do you think happened next? Yup. An hour and a half of truly dreadful behaviour. She refused to eat her breakfast or speak to me, but did tell the dog I was the cow bitch daughter from hell and she was going to kill herself. The dog was supremely unconcerned. I told her it was only a doctor's appointment and perhaps this was a slight overreaction... I passed her the Kleenex box, put her coat on and off we went.
By the time we arrived at the clinic she was in full fluff mode. The occupational health therapist took her off for a memory test and then we went in to see Dr Prasad. The first thing to please Ma was to see Barry sitting in the consulting room and without any preamble she roundly told him off for leaving her in the street. By a process of elimination we worked out that he'd seen her at the day centre in passing and had said hello. But he gamely took up the slack and talked to her about it. Dr Prasad talked to Ma for a bit and once it was apparent that she wasn't able to take in what he was saying, he turned to me instead. I respect him for that though, he didn't just talk over her. He explained that the reason she'd been discharged in Feb was because she had utterly refused to interract with them and that they couldn't reasonably offer support if she wouldn't engage with the team.
She had utterly refused to interract with them because he had told her there wasn't a magic tablet to cure her condition and that she must cease driving immediately. You may have noticed in passing that Ma really doesn't take kindly to being told what to do...
Anyway all that aside, her memory test score was very poor (7/30) and the latest brain scan had shown significant damage so the vascular dx is pretty much set in stone. I was able to get across some of the problems I deal with without Ma really taking in what I was saying and the result is that he has prescribed drugs to help level her moods and a low dose sleeping tablet. But the biggest result is a change to the Pinfold Centre from her current day centre, a lovely place specifically for dementia sufferers. And best of all, two days a week!! Barry asked me which days would suit so I said any two so long as they aren't next to each other. Going to the day centre does wear her out and the following day can be difficult so a following second day at the centre wouldn't be beneficial.
After the consultation we went over to the retail park which houses Tesco, Next, Comet etc. We popped into Next to look for a replacement credit card holder but they don't do them any longer (sorry honey). However Ma did point and laugh at the flimsy undies. Then into Tesco where we bought a few bits and bobs and then Ma wanted a coffee. Off to the cafe... (11am)
Coffee Ma?
Yes please.
Would you like a scone or a teacake or something?
Yes I would. And a few chips.
Scone and chips!!?! I don't think so.
*serving girl being helpful*
How about fish and chips?
Ma: Ooh yes that would be lovely
Peas?
Yes thank you
Bread and butter?
Oh yes
I send Ma off to find a table. I know I know. Watching the faces of several people on different tables as she tried to sit with them was both cringeworthy and highly entertaining.
We sat down with the tea and coffee...
Aren't we having any chips?
Yes they are just coming, they have to order them then the girl brings them out to you.
*fish, chips, peas, bread and butter arrives*
What the heck is this? *pokes fish* I don't want this.
I knew she wouldn't eat it all so hadn't ordered anything for myself and ate the remains.
Not many chips left though.
She wasn't in a great mood when I took in her meds this morning. Fridays are always a bit of a challenge because that's when she has her alendronic acid tablet and has to sit upright for thirty minutes before having anything else. She also has to drink a full glass of water. Which, as you know, she hates. So in between all the burping and whingeing it feels a lot longer than thirty minutes I can tell you! After tea and other meds we set off for the bathroom. She knew we were going somewhere today but couldn't remember where.
Now I hope you are all wearing your Alanis Morissette Irony Hats because when I said she was going to see the dementia doctor she remembered everything about the last time she saw him and that she'd decided she hated him. She last saw him in February. Eight months ago. Why can't she retain the fact that Peter isn't coming after ten minutes has lasped? Every ten minutes. All day. Every day.
So my little blogettes, what do you think happened next? Yup. An hour and a half of truly dreadful behaviour. She refused to eat her breakfast or speak to me, but did tell the dog I was the cow bitch daughter from hell and she was going to kill herself. The dog was supremely unconcerned. I told her it was only a doctor's appointment and perhaps this was a slight overreaction... I passed her the Kleenex box, put her coat on and off we went.
By the time we arrived at the clinic she was in full fluff mode. The occupational health therapist took her off for a memory test and then we went in to see Dr Prasad. The first thing to please Ma was to see Barry sitting in the consulting room and without any preamble she roundly told him off for leaving her in the street. By a process of elimination we worked out that he'd seen her at the day centre in passing and had said hello. But he gamely took up the slack and talked to her about it. Dr Prasad talked to Ma for a bit and once it was apparent that she wasn't able to take in what he was saying, he turned to me instead. I respect him for that though, he didn't just talk over her. He explained that the reason she'd been discharged in Feb was because she had utterly refused to interract with them and that they couldn't reasonably offer support if she wouldn't engage with the team.
She had utterly refused to interract with them because he had told her there wasn't a magic tablet to cure her condition and that she must cease driving immediately. You may have noticed in passing that Ma really doesn't take kindly to being told what to do...
Anyway all that aside, her memory test score was very poor (7/30) and the latest brain scan had shown significant damage so the vascular dx is pretty much set in stone. I was able to get across some of the problems I deal with without Ma really taking in what I was saying and the result is that he has prescribed drugs to help level her moods and a low dose sleeping tablet. But the biggest result is a change to the Pinfold Centre from her current day centre, a lovely place specifically for dementia sufferers. And best of all, two days a week!! Barry asked me which days would suit so I said any two so long as they aren't next to each other. Going to the day centre does wear her out and the following day can be difficult so a following second day at the centre wouldn't be beneficial.
After the consultation we went over to the retail park which houses Tesco, Next, Comet etc. We popped into Next to look for a replacement credit card holder but they don't do them any longer (sorry honey). However Ma did point and laugh at the flimsy undies. Then into Tesco where we bought a few bits and bobs and then Ma wanted a coffee. Off to the cafe... (11am)
Coffee Ma?
Yes please.
Would you like a scone or a teacake or something?
Yes I would. And a few chips.
Scone and chips!!?! I don't think so.
*serving girl being helpful*
How about fish and chips?
Ma: Ooh yes that would be lovely
Peas?
Yes thank you
Bread and butter?
Oh yes
I send Ma off to find a table. I know I know. Watching the faces of several people on different tables as she tried to sit with them was both cringeworthy and highly entertaining.
We sat down with the tea and coffee...
Aren't we having any chips?
Yes they are just coming, they have to order them then the girl brings them out to you.
*fish, chips, peas, bread and butter arrives*
What the heck is this? *pokes fish* I don't want this.
I knew she wouldn't eat it all so hadn't ordered anything for myself and ate the remains.
Not many chips left though.
Thursday, 27 October 2011
It's that time of the week again
Ma was up before daylight calling for me. She was ready for the day centre in her pyjamas, two jackets and a coat with the gold metallic belt once again around her neck. After I'd got her showered, dressed and fed she was on pins waiting for the bus to arrive. And once it did arrive she went off without a backward glance.
Because E & P were coming for lunch I made a chicken, mushroom and parsley pie and prepped the veg and not long after that they arrived. Lunch done I took E to see the garden centre and we had a happy pootle around there for an hour. Simple pleasures.
They've just left, Ma has had a tiny piece of pie and a new potato and is off to bed.
She's just told me she won't be going again next week.
*models for Edvard Munch*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Because E & P were coming for lunch I made a chicken, mushroom and parsley pie and prepped the veg and not long after that they arrived. Lunch done I took E to see the garden centre and we had a happy pootle around there for an hour. Simple pleasures.
They've just left, Ma has had a tiny piece of pie and a new potato and is off to bed.
She's just told me she won't be going again next week.
*models for Edvard Munch*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 |
| Chicken, mushroom and parsley pie about to go into the Aga |
Wednesday, 26 October 2011
See above ^
Warning!! There is a fairly impressive sneeze near the start.
This is Ma talking after going to the day centre last week. Please click on the heading to go to the link.
This is Ma talking after going to the day centre last week. Please click on the heading to go to the link.
Wednesday bullet points
Notes to self:
* Remove all nail varnish from the dressing table and preferably keep in a separate house to the lipstick
* When giving instructions for applying Canasten to the chesticle area remove any toothbrushes nearby
* Make sure Canasten and toothpaste are not near to each other during ablutions
* Explain clearly that a 3 inch wide plaited metallic belt is not a neck decoration of any kind
* When going out for lunch buy just one meal and offer a few chips
* Realise that skills once thought lost can suddenly reappear, although not necessarily to previous levels
* Visits from friends or relatives can affect behaviour for hours afterwards - often detrimentally
* Do not put hot water bottle near pillow without checking for Celebrations or similar
* Do not stand with mouth agape when hearing day centre described as 'this wonderful place I go to...'
* Remove all nail varnish from the dressing table and preferably keep in a separate house to the lipstick
* When giving instructions for applying Canasten to the chesticle area remove any toothbrushes nearby
* Make sure Canasten and toothpaste are not near to each other during ablutions
* Explain clearly that a 3 inch wide plaited metallic belt is not a neck decoration of any kind
* When going out for lunch buy just one meal and offer a few chips
* Realise that skills once thought lost can suddenly reappear, although not necessarily to previous levels
* Visits from friends or relatives can affect behaviour for hours afterwards - often detrimentally
* Do not put hot water bottle near pillow without checking for Celebrations or similar
* Do not stand with mouth agape when hearing day centre described as 'this wonderful place I go to...'
Tuesday, 25 October 2011
So Tired
We had a very disturbed night last night culminating in a major meltdown somewhere around 5am. It started with Ma coming into my room and nearly giving me a heart attack. I'd dropped into a deep sleep after the 3.30 episode so didn't hear her come up the stairs. Once she had my attention we were back in the 'I've been in this bed for hours on my own' territory.
Trying to reason with her is a complete waste of time. She doesn't want to hear logical argument for why she should be there at that time of night, or that this is what other people also do. She's too angry to listen. Fortunately all the doors were locked as usual so no matter how hard she rattled the front door or how loud she shouted, she couldn't get out. It may sound horribly cruel to do this but if I didn't she would be wandering to goodness knows where in the dead of night.
It is now 5pm and of course she wants to go to bed. I've told her she has to stay up until after Emmerdale but I don't hold out a lot of hope. I tried to get her to go for a walk this afternoon, it was sunny and pleasant and slightly breezy. Too windy and cold was the reply. At this rate I'll be organising a treadmill in an effort to get her to do a little bit of exercise and also attempt to tire her out a bit!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well... she's still up (19:20). I decided we should actually go for a walk anyway which turned out fine if you discount how unsteady she is on her feet and her refusal to take my arm. I gave her my walking stick - apparently so that she could wave it about in the air and stagger from side to side. But we walked around the block, the dog was happy and all things being equal it wasn't too bad. I did have to grab her arm a few times to stop her falling but it was mostly ok.
Betsy has phoned to say that she's not well, she had the doctor out this morning and he's put her on pills for her blood pressure which was I quote '200 something over 100 something'. The doc insisted that she shouldn't be on her own tonight - she has two boys, one lives in Wales and the other appears to work 24 hours a day. So... Betty has just arrived in her pjs and dressing gown and will be sleeping here tonight. She suffers from panic attacks and insomnia, poor love and being alone would be too stressful for her.
I'm thinking we can all have a midnight feast at about 3am. I'll bring the vodka.
Trying to reason with her is a complete waste of time. She doesn't want to hear logical argument for why she should be there at that time of night, or that this is what other people also do. She's too angry to listen. Fortunately all the doors were locked as usual so no matter how hard she rattled the front door or how loud she shouted, she couldn't get out. It may sound horribly cruel to do this but if I didn't she would be wandering to goodness knows where in the dead of night.
It is now 5pm and of course she wants to go to bed. I've told her she has to stay up until after Emmerdale but I don't hold out a lot of hope. I tried to get her to go for a walk this afternoon, it was sunny and pleasant and slightly breezy. Too windy and cold was the reply. At this rate I'll be organising a treadmill in an effort to get her to do a little bit of exercise and also attempt to tire her out a bit!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well... she's still up (19:20). I decided we should actually go for a walk anyway which turned out fine if you discount how unsteady she is on her feet and her refusal to take my arm. I gave her my walking stick - apparently so that she could wave it about in the air and stagger from side to side. But we walked around the block, the dog was happy and all things being equal it wasn't too bad. I did have to grab her arm a few times to stop her falling but it was mostly ok.
Betsy has phoned to say that she's not well, she had the doctor out this morning and he's put her on pills for her blood pressure which was I quote '200 something over 100 something'. The doc insisted that she shouldn't be on her own tonight - she has two boys, one lives in Wales and the other appears to work 24 hours a day. So... Betty has just arrived in her pjs and dressing gown and will be sleeping here tonight. She suffers from panic attacks and insomnia, poor love and being alone would be too stressful for her.
I'm thinking we can all have a midnight feast at about 3am. I'll bring the vodka.
Monday, 24 October 2011
Monday Fun and Games
Ma spent the weekend with Peter and Jean. No tales of woe to report, so I'm assuming it all went well. I spent the weekend in Chesterfield and took 24 chocolate and pecan muffins to a writing workshop which I thoroughly enjoyed.
I got back here at about 4.30 yesterday afternoon and waved goodbye to my brother. Ma was fine to start with but became morose very quickly, it's obviously me then! A recent trend has been the suicide threats and they started up practically as soon as Peter's car disappeared up the road. We had firm words about that and then she ate some fruit and ice cream before going to bed at 6. I couldn't get her to stay up any longer because she felt very tired.
She did get up a couple of times during the evening but slept through until 6 this morning (am still quite peeved that she slept until 9 when Peter was here though!)
This morning started calmly enough. She called me at 6 but I was very slow getting up this morning (a combination of a strange bed and 4 hours of driving does that to me) so a gentle pootle through shower and breakfast didn't happen until nearer 9. Then she sat and watched a bit of tv before suddenly getting obsessed with waiting for the man with the car to arrive. This, it turns out, wasn't a hope that Peter was returning but waiting for the bus to take her to the day centre! Come Thursday and I guarantee she won't want to go. However she spent an hour or so standing by the door with her coat on before going into the back bedroom and pulling piles of saved greetings cards out of the drawer and getting upset over them.
Lunch was refused but a coffee with Mavis was accepted. Coat and lipstick on, she was ready.
As she left the bedroom I realised I could smell nail varnish. Seeing she was in a cream coat I was worried about nail varnish stains so checked her sleeves. Nothing. Not on the coat or her nails. It was then that I realised that the pearly lipstick wasn't lipstick. Fortunately it hadn't had enough time to dry properly so it did come off after a bit of persuasion but it was a tussle because Ma couldn't understand what the fuss was about.
Chicken soup. bread and butter and a mince pie for tea and she's now dozing in front of the tv.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She went to bed at 6 despite my best efforts.
Just had yet another conversation about going to bed and going to sleep. This will be the eighth time since 18:00 and it is still only 22:33
The recurring theme is interesting:
Hello?
Hello Ma
Are you ready?
Ready for what?
Ready to come to bed
I'm not sleeping with you Ma, I have my own bed
Are you sure?
Yes I'm sure.
I never see your boyfriend.
I know Ma, he's the Scarlet Pimpernel.
Is he??? Well that's good then.
Please, please stay in bed tonight, I can't cope if you get up every hour.
Well why would I do that? I've never done it before...
On that note. Goodnight, I will un-grit me teeth at some point I'm sure.
I got back here at about 4.30 yesterday afternoon and waved goodbye to my brother. Ma was fine to start with but became morose very quickly, it's obviously me then! A recent trend has been the suicide threats and they started up practically as soon as Peter's car disappeared up the road. We had firm words about that and then she ate some fruit and ice cream before going to bed at 6. I couldn't get her to stay up any longer because she felt very tired.
She did get up a couple of times during the evening but slept through until 6 this morning (am still quite peeved that she slept until 9 when Peter was here though!)
This morning started calmly enough. She called me at 6 but I was very slow getting up this morning (a combination of a strange bed and 4 hours of driving does that to me) so a gentle pootle through shower and breakfast didn't happen until nearer 9. Then she sat and watched a bit of tv before suddenly getting obsessed with waiting for the man with the car to arrive. This, it turns out, wasn't a hope that Peter was returning but waiting for the bus to take her to the day centre! Come Thursday and I guarantee she won't want to go. However she spent an hour or so standing by the door with her coat on before going into the back bedroom and pulling piles of saved greetings cards out of the drawer and getting upset over them.
Lunch was refused but a coffee with Mavis was accepted. Coat and lipstick on, she was ready.
As she left the bedroom I realised I could smell nail varnish. Seeing she was in a cream coat I was worried about nail varnish stains so checked her sleeves. Nothing. Not on the coat or her nails. It was then that I realised that the pearly lipstick wasn't lipstick. Fortunately it hadn't had enough time to dry properly so it did come off after a bit of persuasion but it was a tussle because Ma couldn't understand what the fuss was about.
Chicken soup. bread and butter and a mince pie for tea and she's now dozing in front of the tv.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She went to bed at 6 despite my best efforts.
Just had yet another conversation about going to bed and going to sleep. This will be the eighth time since 18:00 and it is still only 22:33
The recurring theme is interesting:
Hello?
Hello Ma
Are you ready?
Ready for what?
Ready to come to bed
I'm not sleeping with you Ma, I have my own bed
Are you sure?
Yes I'm sure.
I never see your boyfriend.
I know Ma, he's the Scarlet Pimpernel.
Is he??? Well that's good then.
Please, please stay in bed tonight, I can't cope if you get up every hour.
Well why would I do that? I've never done it before...
On that note. Goodnight, I will un-grit me teeth at some point I'm sure.
 |
| First batch of muffins - chocolate, pecan and caramel |
Sunday, 23 October 2011
Hellooo
I've been away for the weekend - I know, such a slacker. Not been online because the wifi at the hotel was complete rubbish so not been able to let you know what has been happening.
Anyhoo am back online now so an update tomorrow morning about the weekend.
I went to a writing workshop and had just the best time :)
Ma stayed here at home with my brother.
Anyhoo am back online now so an update tomorrow morning about the weekend.
I went to a writing workshop and had just the best time :)
Ma stayed here at home with my brother.
Thursday, 20 October 2011
Recording
Mum talking about her day.
It is quite quiet, sorry. Let me know if this works ok.
Thanks.
OH! Btw.... you need to click on Recording above...
Doh!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok that didn't work very well. Free hosting apparently means we will include adverts for Tarot readings etc.
Bear with me. I will not be beaten.
It is quite quiet, sorry. Let me know if this works ok.
Thanks.
OH! Btw.... you need to click on Recording above...
Doh!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok that didn't work very well. Free hosting apparently means we will include adverts for Tarot readings etc.
Bear with me. I will not be beaten.
Day Centre
Well what a difference a few weeks of distress makes.
This morning I took the decision not to tell her from the get-go that she was going to the day centre after her reaction last night. I took her tea and tablets as usual.
I don't know what I've been doing all night.
You've been sleeping
Well that's terrible!
As I was ringing Will to wish him a happy 20th birthday (I demand a recount, that's just ridiculous) she was in the bathroom like a flash and for the first time in months started the shower going without any trouble. Well, apart from running it at a slow trickle and having the temperature at scald that is. So shower done and breakfast eaten, I let her sit with a coffee until about 10 minutes before the bus was due then casually hellped her to put her coat on.
Where am I going?
To the day centre.
Oh ok. Have I been there before?
And when the bus arrived she went off quite happily with the driver.
I spent the day hoovering, dusting, making up a bed for my brother, going to Tesco for Betsy etc. Oh and a bit of reading and loafing thrown in for good measure.
On her return she was perfectly fine although clearly and understandably tired. She's eaten all her tea (ham sandwich, piece of fruit cake, banana) and told me all about her day. As an experiement I recorded a bit of the conversation but can't work out how to upload it on to here. If anyone knows how to insert a sound file on here, could you let me know please?
There was something else I was going to put in here but can't just remember what it was. So there's a good chance that there'll be a bit of an update later.
This morning I took the decision not to tell her from the get-go that she was going to the day centre after her reaction last night. I took her tea and tablets as usual.
I don't know what I've been doing all night.
You've been sleeping
Well that's terrible!
As I was ringing Will to wish him a happy 20th birthday (I demand a recount, that's just ridiculous) she was in the bathroom like a flash and for the first time in months started the shower going without any trouble. Well, apart from running it at a slow trickle and having the temperature at scald that is. So shower done and breakfast eaten, I let her sit with a coffee until about 10 minutes before the bus was due then casually hellped her to put her coat on.
Where am I going?
To the day centre.
Oh ok. Have I been there before?
And when the bus arrived she went off quite happily with the driver.
I spent the day hoovering, dusting, making up a bed for my brother, going to Tesco for Betsy etc. Oh and a bit of reading and loafing thrown in for good measure.
On her return she was perfectly fine although clearly and understandably tired. She's eaten all her tea (ham sandwich, piece of fruit cake, banana) and told me all about her day. As an experiement I recorded a bit of the conversation but can't work out how to upload it on to here. If anyone knows how to insert a sound file on here, could you let me know please?
There was something else I was going to put in here but can't just remember what it was. So there's a good chance that there'll be a bit of an update later.
Wednesday, 19 October 2011
A much calmer day
A much calmer day today. She's been fairly stable with hardly any moods apart from just now when the day centre was mentioned. Suddenly she is 'very ill' and in tears. When I said she had a really good time last week, naturally she disagreed with me. It may come to a Mexican standoff in the morning, but she's going even if I have to lift her on the bus myself.
I've made rissoles for tea at her request but from the body language being displayed I would hazard a guess that they won't be eaten!
The biggest tooth grinder today has been the continual dialogue about when Peter is coming. She asks roughtly every ten minutes. The other thing has been confusion over the television. I had to turn it off at one point because she was getting distressed by the Injury Lawyers 4 You advert (I did make a joke on Twitter about crap adverts upsetting me too) but then she didn't know what to do with herself. Baking was refused. Handbag sorting vetoed. Jigsaw and photos rebuffed. So after a while she asked for the tv to go on again. All was fine until she started getting distressed again. This time because we weren't bidding for items on Dickinson's Real Deal.. It was easier just to say that nothing was worth the money they were asking. Not entirely untrue.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
More in a bit hopefully. Just about to insert rissoles. Where is entirely up to her...
Well she wolfed down her tea - one rissole and some mashed parrot. I must admit that despite my reluctance to have rissoles they were rather nice. I used leftover breast of lamb from the Simon Hopkinson lamb with onions recipe from the other night, added some bread crumbs, an egg, fresh parsley and mint and a couple of large dollops of the leftover onions from the same recipe. Coated in seasoned flour and fried until brown and crisp.
Really very nice indeed. Nothing like the charred sweaty tasting things I remember... Funny that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Goodness me, it's a quarter past seven! Are you going to bed now Ma?
Oh no, it's still too early.
SFX *jaw crashes to floor*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh you're in your pyjamas!
Yep, I'll be going to sit upstairs on the laptop when you've gone to bed.
Are you going to bed?
Nope.
Are you going to the shop?
Nope. I'm in my pyjamas..?
Oh are you? I hadn't noticed.
I've made rissoles for tea at her request but from the body language being displayed I would hazard a guess that they won't be eaten!
The biggest tooth grinder today has been the continual dialogue about when Peter is coming. She asks roughtly every ten minutes. The other thing has been confusion over the television. I had to turn it off at one point because she was getting distressed by the Injury Lawyers 4 You advert (I did make a joke on Twitter about crap adverts upsetting me too) but then she didn't know what to do with herself. Baking was refused. Handbag sorting vetoed. Jigsaw and photos rebuffed. So after a while she asked for the tv to go on again. All was fine until she started getting distressed again. This time because we weren't bidding for items on Dickinson's Real Deal.. It was easier just to say that nothing was worth the money they were asking. Not entirely untrue.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
More in a bit hopefully. Just about to insert rissoles. Where is entirely up to her...
Well she wolfed down her tea - one rissole and some mashed parrot. I must admit that despite my reluctance to have rissoles they were rather nice. I used leftover breast of lamb from the Simon Hopkinson lamb with onions recipe from the other night, added some bread crumbs, an egg, fresh parsley and mint and a couple of large dollops of the leftover onions from the same recipe. Coated in seasoned flour and fried until brown and crisp.
Really very nice indeed. Nothing like the charred sweaty tasting things I remember... Funny that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Goodness me, it's a quarter past seven! Are you going to bed now Ma?
Oh no, it's still too early.
SFX *jaw crashes to floor*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh you're in your pyjamas!
Yep, I'll be going to sit upstairs on the laptop when you've gone to bed.
Are you going to bed?
Nope.
Are you going to the shop?
Nope. I'm in my pyjamas..?
Oh are you? I hadn't noticed.
Tuesday, 18 October 2011
On being a full-time carer
No one will be surprised at me saying that being a full-time carer is demanding. Of course it is. Looking after someone else's welfare 24 hours a day, 7 days a week is incredibly hard work. Ask any parent.
Caring for an adult who is no longer able to make informed decisions or keep themselves safe is doubly difficult because they believe that they can still make those decisions and do not take kindly to being guided, helped or often prevented from doing so. Do not become a carer for someone with dementia if you can't take the insults, rage, dislike, hate, physical violence and selfishness along with the smiles and the fun times. Also remember that you will have to help with personal hygiene at every level from nose blowing to bottom wiping. And do all this on continual broken sleep. Even babies sleep for a decent length of time eventually.
I've just spent a couple of hours being told I'm nasty, uncaring and selfish. Had to endure rage, tears, sobbing, blame and dismissal. Babies believe the world revolves around them, trust me they have nothing on a dementia sufferer. I've been awake since 3am due to her sitting in the hall in her coat, constantly trying to telephone her friend Mavis. The phone will be unplugged tonight. It won't stop her doing it, but at least she won't set off the pager every ten minutes.
Everyone tells you it isn't personal, it isn't the person you know or knew, it is the disease. And I'm sure this is quite true. But let me tell you that it is bloody impossible not to take things personally and to be hurt and overwhelmingly upset at times. I'm only human.
I've written this at a moment of extreme distress and will probably be overcome with remorse in a while and delete it. Writing it down with force and speed helps (although the keyboard may not agree) and I shall now go and make a cup of tea.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've had a lot of messages of support from people, thank you so much. I've been asked by quite a few not to delete this post, so I won't. The silly thing is, I had an absolutely lovely email yesterday from an old friend saying how much they enjoy reading the blog etc. and now I feel as though I've let everyone down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's up Mum?
I'm scared
Why are you scared?
I'm scared about what will happen when you leave.
I'm not leaving, don't worry.
Ok I won't then. When is Peter coming?
On Friday.
*
*
*
What time are you going?
I'm not going anywhere.
What time is Peter getting here?
*
*
*
Will you drop me off on the way?
I'm not going anywhere.
Oh. I thought you were. Has Peter gone out?
He's not here until Friday...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Caring for an adult who is no longer able to make informed decisions or keep themselves safe is doubly difficult because they believe that they can still make those decisions and do not take kindly to being guided, helped or often prevented from doing so. Do not become a carer for someone with dementia if you can't take the insults, rage, dislike, hate, physical violence and selfishness along with the smiles and the fun times. Also remember that you will have to help with personal hygiene at every level from nose blowing to bottom wiping. And do all this on continual broken sleep. Even babies sleep for a decent length of time eventually.
I've just spent a couple of hours being told I'm nasty, uncaring and selfish. Had to endure rage, tears, sobbing, blame and dismissal. Babies believe the world revolves around them, trust me they have nothing on a dementia sufferer. I've been awake since 3am due to her sitting in the hall in her coat, constantly trying to telephone her friend Mavis. The phone will be unplugged tonight. It won't stop her doing it, but at least she won't set off the pager every ten minutes.
Everyone tells you it isn't personal, it isn't the person you know or knew, it is the disease. And I'm sure this is quite true. But let me tell you that it is bloody impossible not to take things personally and to be hurt and overwhelmingly upset at times. I'm only human.
I've written this at a moment of extreme distress and will probably be overcome with remorse in a while and delete it. Writing it down with force and speed helps (although the keyboard may not agree) and I shall now go and make a cup of tea.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've had a lot of messages of support from people, thank you so much. I've been asked by quite a few not to delete this post, so I won't. The silly thing is, I had an absolutely lovely email yesterday from an old friend saying how much they enjoy reading the blog etc. and now I feel as though I've let everyone down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's up Mum?
I'm scared
Why are you scared?
I'm scared about what will happen when you leave.
I'm not leaving, don't worry.
Ok I won't then. When is Peter coming?
On Friday.
*
*
*
What time are you going?
I'm not going anywhere.
What time is Peter getting here?
*
*
*
Will you drop me off on the way?
I'm not going anywhere.
Oh. I thought you were. Has Peter gone out?
He's not here until Friday...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, 17 October 2011
Oh blimey...
Ma has been ok today, up very early trying to ring Mavis as usual but otherwise ok. As I had another trip to the GP this morning she got her wish and spent an hour with Mave, although she did have to sit in her coat for two hours before we set off.
When we got back I got the Dyson out and Ma offered her help. I suggested she dusted around so she went and pulled a mountain of handbags out of the wardrobe and looked through them all.
This afternoon the plumber came to fix a slow leak on the loo upstairs.
He's just returned to stop the flood which is pouring through the light fitting in the kitchen...
Very stormy here at the moment so there's also a flood in the porch. *feels a bit beleaguered*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A bit more proud mummy moment. If you've already seen these on Facebook, I apologise.
When we got back I got the Dyson out and Ma offered her help. I suggested she dusted around so she went and pulled a mountain of handbags out of the wardrobe and looked through them all.
This afternoon the plumber came to fix a slow leak on the loo upstairs.
He's just returned to stop the flood which is pouring through the light fitting in the kitchen...
Very stormy here at the moment so there's also a flood in the porch. *feels a bit beleaguered*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A bit more proud mummy moment. If you've already seen these on Facebook, I apologise.
 |
| She calls her graphics tablet Patrick. Nope I don't know why. |
 |
| How cute is this?? |
 |
| Such a lovely little animation |
 |
| And she did one of me :) *note the glasses and pearl earrings* |
 |
| What a difference a year makes. |
Sunday, 16 October 2011
Weekend again
Yesterday was relatively quiet. Ma spent an hour or so with Mavis yesterday afternoon but other than that is was the usual mix of asking me when people were arriving (Peter, Simon, Jo and Ian, David and Glenys, Jane... ), tears, bad moods and fluffiness.
This morning started just after 5am when the pager went off on the phone. When this happens it means Ma is pressing buttons on the answerphone base trying to phone someone. It also wakes me up pretty quickly. She was trying to ring Mavis and this really should've warned me.
I helped her back into bed and went to toss and turn for an hour or so before giving up, getting up and making a cup of tea and organising Ma's morning tablets (originally put Ma's morning meds but it sounded far too Roald Dahl). She kept her eyes shut and refused to acknowledge me so I left everything on the bedside table and went back upstairs to have a shower and get dressed.
When I came down again Ma was nowhere to be seen. I always keep the doors locked these days and keep the front door key with me so she hadn't gone out that way. She had, however, managed to find the key to the patio door in the kitchen, unlock it and go out into the garden. Then open the side gate and get out. I shot back into the house to grab my car keys and phone and was just unlocking the door when the bell went. It was Seth from next door with Ma in pjs, a coat, one sock and one shoe. Soaked wet through from the drizzle. As soon as she saw me she started sobbing to Seth that I had been shouting at her all night etc.
I popped her in the shower to warm her up ignoring the suicide threats and she is now warm and dry, dressed, under her heated throw in the living room eating strawberries and cream porridge and watching the Emmerdale omnibus.
And my heart rate is nearly back to normal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Simon Hopkinson's breast of lamb with onions today I think. If you haven't tried it I can highly recommend it. We shall have it with plain boiled potatoes, fresh mint, parsley and coriander sauce and probably carrots. Delicious.
(So delicious Ma had a battered fish fillet in a sandwich. Oh well more for me.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We had a trip to B&Q this afternoon to get a couple of padlocks. I thought a trip in the car and a spot of shopping would provide a bit of a distraction for Ma. Ah well. She refused to get out of the car and go into the shop with me and she hated the trip home because she couldn't work out where she was.
So here's a challenge. Everything you read about coping with dementia says that you should distract not disagree or argue. I would love some suggestions for distracting her. She doesn't like the tv any longer, it's too confusing. She doesn't like listening to music or the radio, looking at old photographs or doing simple jigsaws. Since the other day she hates going anywhere far (ie more than a mile or so) in the car. She isn't artistic and would think I'd lost my marbles if I got out paint and paper!
I thought I might try doing a bit of baking with her. The worst that could happen is we end up throwing away a few pennies worth of ingredients. Muffins are easy, quick and very satisfying to make without needing any skills at all other than the ability to stir. And she might even eat the results!
Anything we do has to be fairly fuss free and not take more than half an hour at the absolute most.
This morning started just after 5am when the pager went off on the phone. When this happens it means Ma is pressing buttons on the answerphone base trying to phone someone. It also wakes me up pretty quickly. She was trying to ring Mavis and this really should've warned me.
I helped her back into bed and went to toss and turn for an hour or so before giving up, getting up and making a cup of tea and organising Ma's morning tablets (originally put Ma's morning meds but it sounded far too Roald Dahl). She kept her eyes shut and refused to acknowledge me so I left everything on the bedside table and went back upstairs to have a shower and get dressed.
When I came down again Ma was nowhere to be seen. I always keep the doors locked these days and keep the front door key with me so she hadn't gone out that way. She had, however, managed to find the key to the patio door in the kitchen, unlock it and go out into the garden. Then open the side gate and get out. I shot back into the house to grab my car keys and phone and was just unlocking the door when the bell went. It was Seth from next door with Ma in pjs, a coat, one sock and one shoe. Soaked wet through from the drizzle. As soon as she saw me she started sobbing to Seth that I had been shouting at her all night etc.
I popped her in the shower to warm her up ignoring the suicide threats and she is now warm and dry, dressed, under her heated throw in the living room eating strawberries and cream porridge and watching the Emmerdale omnibus.
And my heart rate is nearly back to normal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Simon Hopkinson's breast of lamb with onions today I think. If you haven't tried it I can highly recommend it. We shall have it with plain boiled potatoes, fresh mint, parsley and coriander sauce and probably carrots. Delicious.
(So delicious Ma had a battered fish fillet in a sandwich. Oh well more for me.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We had a trip to B&Q this afternoon to get a couple of padlocks. I thought a trip in the car and a spot of shopping would provide a bit of a distraction for Ma. Ah well. She refused to get out of the car and go into the shop with me and she hated the trip home because she couldn't work out where she was.
So here's a challenge. Everything you read about coping with dementia says that you should distract not disagree or argue. I would love some suggestions for distracting her. She doesn't like the tv any longer, it's too confusing. She doesn't like listening to music or the radio, looking at old photographs or doing simple jigsaws. Since the other day she hates going anywhere far (ie more than a mile or so) in the car. She isn't artistic and would think I'd lost my marbles if I got out paint and paper!
I thought I might try doing a bit of baking with her. The worst that could happen is we end up throwing away a few pennies worth of ingredients. Muffins are easy, quick and very satisfying to make without needing any skills at all other than the ability to stir. And she might even eat the results!
Anything we do has to be fairly fuss free and not take more than half an hour at the absolute most.
Friday, 14 October 2011
Fasting Friday
Fasting blood test for Ma this morning, so no breakfast or tea beforehand obviously. I explained this to her and she pointed out that she's had many of them in the past, she knew what to do and she didn't want any breakfast anyway thank you.
Slight schoolboy error.
I forgot to check for Celebrations in her pillowcase.
Luckily I heard the rustle of wrappers being surreptitiously removed... since this was for fasting blood sugar levels.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For the last few weeks Ma has been asking about going to see Jo and Ian, very old friends, who live in Billinge. So this week I arranged for us to go and see them this afternoon. I warned them that Ma would be unlikely to want to stay for more than an hour at most and that we'd only come for a cup of tea and said we'd be there at about 2pm.
Everything was fine as we set off. We stopped at Tesco for diesel then got on the motorway. Ma did her usual - reading every single road sign we passed and thinking we should be coming off at every junction. Things started to go wrong as soon as we got onto the East Lancs road. She gradually started dry sobbing and rubbing her face and talking too herself but too quietly for me to hear what she was saying. Eventually, after repeated questioning, she told me that she wanted to go home. When I pointed out that we were very nearly there she said that she didn't know where she was, she was frightened and she wanted to go home.
So we went around the next roundabout and came home again.
I could have carried on and made her go but I don't think it would have been a good idea, she was in a terrible state. Apart from anything else, it's really distracting and difficult to drive on fast roads with that going on next to you.
What is odd though is that she can read road signs but can't, for example, read the address book or labels on food. Especially when you consider that road signs need to be read fairly quickly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now battling to keep her out of bed until a reasonable time. I reckon if we make it to half six it will be a miracle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't feed the dog from your plate please
I didn't
Erm... I'm sitting opposite you.... this means I saw it happen
I didn't
I saw you!
Oh well, she took it off me. I didn't give it to her.
(this reminds me of one of the boys aged about 5: Stop jumping in your bedroom!! I'm not jumping. I'm hopping...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eating fish pie.
Ew this is a bit tough *removes king prawn from mouth*
Would you like it?
Slight schoolboy error.
I forgot to check for Celebrations in her pillowcase.
Luckily I heard the rustle of wrappers being surreptitiously removed... since this was for fasting blood sugar levels.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For the last few weeks Ma has been asking about going to see Jo and Ian, very old friends, who live in Billinge. So this week I arranged for us to go and see them this afternoon. I warned them that Ma would be unlikely to want to stay for more than an hour at most and that we'd only come for a cup of tea and said we'd be there at about 2pm.
Everything was fine as we set off. We stopped at Tesco for diesel then got on the motorway. Ma did her usual - reading every single road sign we passed and thinking we should be coming off at every junction. Things started to go wrong as soon as we got onto the East Lancs road. She gradually started dry sobbing and rubbing her face and talking too herself but too quietly for me to hear what she was saying. Eventually, after repeated questioning, she told me that she wanted to go home. When I pointed out that we were very nearly there she said that she didn't know where she was, she was frightened and she wanted to go home.
So we went around the next roundabout and came home again.
I could have carried on and made her go but I don't think it would have been a good idea, she was in a terrible state. Apart from anything else, it's really distracting and difficult to drive on fast roads with that going on next to you.
What is odd though is that she can read road signs but can't, for example, read the address book or labels on food. Especially when you consider that road signs need to be read fairly quickly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now battling to keep her out of bed until a reasonable time. I reckon if we make it to half six it will be a miracle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't feed the dog from your plate please
I didn't
Erm... I'm sitting opposite you.... this means I saw it happen
I didn't
I saw you!
Oh well, she took it off me. I didn't give it to her.
(this reminds me of one of the boys aged about 5: Stop jumping in your bedroom!! I'm not jumping. I'm hopping...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eating fish pie.
Ew this is a bit tough *removes king prawn from mouth*
Would you like it?
Thursday, 13 October 2011
Wednesday Woes
Yesterday was a very tough day, Ma just couldn't understand how ill I felt and it was exhausting. Plus, feeling so ill conversation was an effort so I was a bit quiet. This meant Ma filled every possible second with talk. It's a challenge at the best of times to follow a 12 hour conversation which has no start, middle, end, recognisable subject matter or direction without adding raging nausea and back pain.
Here's your breakfast/lunch/tea
Aren't you eating?
No Ma I'm not feeling well
STILL??!?
~~~~~~~~
Go and have a lie down
No it's ok
Go and lie down, I'll be ok
Oh alright then (desperate)
*5 mins later*
Hellooo?? Are you there?
~~~~~~~~~~~
Night Ma I hope you manage to stay in bed all night tonight
Of course I will, I always do!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just woken up after a full night of sleep with no interruptions. I feel like I've won the lottery.
'Thursday Club' today. I have mentioned it a couple of times during the week and the bad press is very gradually getting less and less. She didn't react at all when I said she would be going today. However, I've yet to mention it this morning. Just having a cup of tea in the sanctuary before tackling that one.
*
*
*
Where am I going today?
To the Thursday Club. At the day centre.
Oh that sounds nice, I've not been before have I?
Yes you've been twice. The bus will be picking you up soon.
Will it bring me back again?
Yes of course!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
30 minutes ago:
I don't want to go to that place!
It'll be fine mum, you'll get to meet some new people and have some time away from me. You have your lunch and then you come home. It'll be fine.
Where's my mother. She wouldn't send me there. Your father wouldnt do this to me. Where's Peter?
*sobbing, coughing, retching*
Etc.
She's just left.
Remember last week when the bus driver arrived? ('Oh hello, I remember you. You're nice.'?) This morning... 'Oh God it's that awful man...'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Would you bloody believe it?? She arrived home with a smile on her face. As she came down the drive arm in arm with Lee (driver) she trilled 'Hello darling I've had an absolutely smashing day'. She then proceeded to eat all of her tea (cheese and pickle sandwich, almond slice and a pear) while she told me all about her day. I would repeat it here but frankly, it didn't make a lot of sense.
I am beyond delighted that she's had a good day. I hope all the excitement means that she will sleep but I know that sometimes it has completely the opposite effect and I could be in for a busy night.
However, now I have something positive to remind her about next week when she doesn't want to go.
A very successful day, eventually :)
Here's your breakfast/lunch/tea
Aren't you eating?
No Ma I'm not feeling well
STILL??!?
~~~~~~~~
Go and have a lie down
No it's ok
Go and lie down, I'll be ok
Oh alright then (desperate)
*5 mins later*
Hellooo?? Are you there?
~~~~~~~~~~~
Night Ma I hope you manage to stay in bed all night tonight
Of course I will, I always do!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just woken up after a full night of sleep with no interruptions. I feel like I've won the lottery.
'Thursday Club' today. I have mentioned it a couple of times during the week and the bad press is very gradually getting less and less. She didn't react at all when I said she would be going today. However, I've yet to mention it this morning. Just having a cup of tea in the sanctuary before tackling that one.
*
*
*
Where am I going today?
To the Thursday Club. At the day centre.
Oh that sounds nice, I've not been before have I?
Yes you've been twice. The bus will be picking you up soon.
Will it bring me back again?
Yes of course!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
30 minutes ago:
I don't want to go to that place!
It'll be fine mum, you'll get to meet some new people and have some time away from me. You have your lunch and then you come home. It'll be fine.
Where's my mother. She wouldn't send me there. Your father wouldnt do this to me. Where's Peter?
*sobbing, coughing, retching*
Etc.
She's just left.
Remember last week when the bus driver arrived? ('Oh hello, I remember you. You're nice.'?) This morning... 'Oh God it's that awful man...'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Would you bloody believe it?? She arrived home with a smile on her face. As she came down the drive arm in arm with Lee (driver) she trilled 'Hello darling I've had an absolutely smashing day'. She then proceeded to eat all of her tea (cheese and pickle sandwich, almond slice and a pear) while she told me all about her day. I would repeat it here but frankly, it didn't make a lot of sense.
I am beyond delighted that she's had a good day. I hope all the excitement means that she will sleep but I know that sometimes it has completely the opposite effect and I could be in for a busy night.
However, now I have something positive to remind her about next week when she doesn't want to go.
A very successful day, eventually :)
Tuesday, 11 October 2011
The Carer's Commandments (1)
Do not become ill.
I have joint problems and live with pain all the time but I can honestly say that the pain from a kidney infection is up there. The antibiotics haven't kicked in yet so I do feel quite terrible and Ma hates to be left alone now so going for a lie down earlier was a bit of a waste of time.
Rachel has just been and left me a stack of cook books which I will post out in due course. It was lovely to see her and as we say up North, we had a right good natter. Ma went to bed halfway through, she is less and less able to cope with a lot of conversation.
There may or may not be a further update later depending on how I feel.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is now 10:25 and she's been out of bed four times already. At the moment she is ranting and crying. I am at my wits end. I feel so poorly and desperately need to sleep. God almightly I hope this doesn't carry on all night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I last heard her walking around at 3am, but had spoken to her several times. The final time was at about 1:20am. I led her back to bed, removed her coat and shoes...
Don't yank my shoes off like that!
*in distress* Why aren't people here?
Because it's the middle of the night and people sleep at this time
I've never heard of that before! You are just nasty nasty nasty nasty. If your father knew how you treated me....
Repeat and fade.
It's now 7:15 and I've just taken in a cup of tea and her medicine.
Good morning darling, how are you? (back in coat and shoes, also full set of clothes on backwards over pyjamas)
I have joint problems and live with pain all the time but I can honestly say that the pain from a kidney infection is up there. The antibiotics haven't kicked in yet so I do feel quite terrible and Ma hates to be left alone now so going for a lie down earlier was a bit of a waste of time.
Rachel has just been and left me a stack of cook books which I will post out in due course. It was lovely to see her and as we say up North, we had a right good natter. Ma went to bed halfway through, she is less and less able to cope with a lot of conversation.
There may or may not be a further update later depending on how I feel.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is now 10:25 and she's been out of bed four times already. At the moment she is ranting and crying. I am at my wits end. I feel so poorly and desperately need to sleep. God almightly I hope this doesn't carry on all night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I last heard her walking around at 3am, but had spoken to her several times. The final time was at about 1:20am. I led her back to bed, removed her coat and shoes...
Don't yank my shoes off like that!
*in distress* Why aren't people here?
Because it's the middle of the night and people sleep at this time
I've never heard of that before! You are just nasty nasty nasty nasty. If your father knew how you treated me....
Repeat and fade.
It's now 7:15 and I've just taken in a cup of tea and her medicine.
Good morning darling, how are you? (back in coat and shoes, also full set of clothes on backwards over pyjamas)
Monday, 10 October 2011
Bundles of Joy
Another common behaviour often seen in dementia sufferers is folding, sorting or stacking things over and over again. My aunt moved boxes around on the table top, Ma bundles things up. Everything from a tissue to a coat to a duvet is bundled up then set down very carefully and stroked. Obviously I feel the need to fold things properly which means that essentially I'm displaying the same behaviour! As fast as I fold things properly I turn around and they're bundled up again...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The tv continues to confuse. You wouldn't think that this would be much of a problem until you see how distressed she gets about it. We've just had a storm of tears because she didn't know where to go, what to take or how to get to Dickinson's Real Deal. Everytime I explain that it isn't real, it's like watching a film she says 'Yes, ok.' Then five minutes later we start all over again. However, when I turn the television off to stop the cycle she becomes morose and surly, cries herself into a doze then wakes up all fluffy. So at the moment each day is a sort of merry-go-round of bundling, confusion, crying, sulking, snoozing, fluffiness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Would you like something to eat Ma?
Yes. Not a lot though.
I know
I'll have a bit of cheese on toast
Ok
And some bacon
Ok
Oh and that banana thing
Right
And a glass of wine...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I seem to have started something. I ordered Ma a couple of roll neck fleece tops from Cotton Traders and got myself a fleece hooded poncho thing (£10 in the sale). Guess who is wearing the poncho?
So that's a long-sleeved thermal vest, fleece roll neck, fleece jacket and now a fleece poncho. Plus somehow the much derided (initially) fleece pj bottoms have appeared. However.... she isn't huddled under the heated throw. Thank goodness. The very thought of that makes me feel ill.
We are road-testing a bit of Bacardi Breezer tonight. She constantly asks for wine but doesn't like it when I offer it to her. Rather than keep buying sweeter wines in an attempt to find something she likes, I thought this was a flash of genius.
The jury is still out.
I do actually think that there probably isn't an alcoholic drink she will like now and avoid it as much as possible but every now and then she gets stuck in a loop about it. At these times it is easier on my sanity to pander to her wishes. As I type she's had about a small sherry glass worth so we aren't talking a rapid descent into alcoholism.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love the stats bit on this thing, it's fascinating. I wonder how someone in Russia (v popular there for some reason) or Egypt happens upon this particular blog. Also the search criteria used on Google makes me laugh sometimes - that bruise on my leg is regularly used by someone to get in here! Weekend traffic is generally quieter as you would expect and the most popular post of all time is the one containing pics of Ma and Pa on Ma's 80th birthday.
Well I think it's fascinating. Trust me, I'd go out more if I could... :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The tv continues to confuse. You wouldn't think that this would be much of a problem until you see how distressed she gets about it. We've just had a storm of tears because she didn't know where to go, what to take or how to get to Dickinson's Real Deal. Everytime I explain that it isn't real, it's like watching a film she says 'Yes, ok.' Then five minutes later we start all over again. However, when I turn the television off to stop the cycle she becomes morose and surly, cries herself into a doze then wakes up all fluffy. So at the moment each day is a sort of merry-go-round of bundling, confusion, crying, sulking, snoozing, fluffiness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Would you like something to eat Ma?
Yes. Not a lot though.
I know
I'll have a bit of cheese on toast
Ok
And some bacon
Ok
Oh and that banana thing
Right
And a glass of wine...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I seem to have started something. I ordered Ma a couple of roll neck fleece tops from Cotton Traders and got myself a fleece hooded poncho thing (£10 in the sale). Guess who is wearing the poncho?
So that's a long-sleeved thermal vest, fleece roll neck, fleece jacket and now a fleece poncho. Plus somehow the much derided (initially) fleece pj bottoms have appeared. However.... she isn't huddled under the heated throw. Thank goodness. The very thought of that makes me feel ill.
We are road-testing a bit of Bacardi Breezer tonight. She constantly asks for wine but doesn't like it when I offer it to her. Rather than keep buying sweeter wines in an attempt to find something she likes, I thought this was a flash of genius.
The jury is still out.
I do actually think that there probably isn't an alcoholic drink she will like now and avoid it as much as possible but every now and then she gets stuck in a loop about it. At these times it is easier on my sanity to pander to her wishes. As I type she's had about a small sherry glass worth so we aren't talking a rapid descent into alcoholism.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love the stats bit on this thing, it's fascinating. I wonder how someone in Russia (v popular there for some reason) or Egypt happens upon this particular blog. Also the search criteria used on Google makes me laugh sometimes - that bruise on my leg is regularly used by someone to get in here! Weekend traffic is generally quieter as you would expect and the most popular post of all time is the one containing pics of Ma and Pa on Ma's 80th birthday.
Well I think it's fascinating. Trust me, I'd go out more if I could... :)
Sunday, 9 October 2011
I couldn't put it better myself
Through the wonder of Twitter I have come into contact with so many people who are connected to dementia in one way or another, a wonderful virtual support network.
One of the people I've met is the lovely hippyjon who's mum is following the same path as Ma. Jon had a little rant last night on his excellent blog We Need Toothpaste and I would like to share this rant with you.
http://weneedtoothpaste.blogspot.com/2011/10/feel-in-need-of-little-rant.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little story about last night.
Because it was nice and warm in the living room I suggested Ma put her night clothes on in there rather than in the bathroom. Strictly was on in the background.
Oh I'm not getting undressed in here!
Why not? It's much warmer than in the bathroom
Yes but *gestures at tv* I don't want all those people seeing me in the nuddy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's 3:15 and we are in the throes of a Mexican standoff.
Ma is having a bit of a moment, we are about an hour and fifty minutes in. It started when I got back from a 5 minute trip to the Co op for some bits. I'd been away too long and she was worried about me. This then became her wanting to go home - a current obsession and not unusual for dementia sufferers. It can often mean where they grew up or another time in their lives which they remember with happiness. This has gradually moved on to the 'no one comes to see me' bit culminating in her deciding to go and visit the neighbours.
Now it is raining heavily and steadily at the moment, she intends to go out in her slippers and is sobbing and sniffing. Of course I'm not going to let her go out either in this state or in this weather and it's not really fair to disturb people at this time on a Sunday afternoon. However she's trying everything she can think of to get me out of the house so that she can go off. I've deflected suggestions to go and do some shopping, go back where I came from etc.
I don't hold out much success of getting her to eat the meal I've been cooking or the banoffee pie I've just made.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There I go making assumptions again. She's just eaten chicken, carrots, leeks, cheesy broccoli and roasties followed by a wodge of banoffee pie.
In her overcoat. Naturally.
One of the people I've met is the lovely hippyjon who's mum is following the same path as Ma. Jon had a little rant last night on his excellent blog We Need Toothpaste and I would like to share this rant with you.
http://weneedtoothpaste.blogspot.com/2011/10/feel-in-need-of-little-rant.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little story about last night.
Because it was nice and warm in the living room I suggested Ma put her night clothes on in there rather than in the bathroom. Strictly was on in the background.
Oh I'm not getting undressed in here!
Why not? It's much warmer than in the bathroom
Yes but *gestures at tv* I don't want all those people seeing me in the nuddy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's 3:15 and we are in the throes of a Mexican standoff.
Ma is having a bit of a moment, we are about an hour and fifty minutes in. It started when I got back from a 5 minute trip to the Co op for some bits. I'd been away too long and she was worried about me. This then became her wanting to go home - a current obsession and not unusual for dementia sufferers. It can often mean where they grew up or another time in their lives which they remember with happiness. This has gradually moved on to the 'no one comes to see me' bit culminating in her deciding to go and visit the neighbours.
Now it is raining heavily and steadily at the moment, she intends to go out in her slippers and is sobbing and sniffing. Of course I'm not going to let her go out either in this state or in this weather and it's not really fair to disturb people at this time on a Sunday afternoon. However she's trying everything she can think of to get me out of the house so that she can go off. I've deflected suggestions to go and do some shopping, go back where I came from etc.
I don't hold out much success of getting her to eat the meal I've been cooking or the banoffee pie I've just made.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There I go making assumptions again. She's just eaten chicken, carrots, leeks, cheesy broccoli and roasties followed by a wodge of banoffee pie.
In her overcoat. Naturally.
 |
| Banoffee Pie |
Saturday, 8 October 2011
New Thermals
After taking the dog for her very early post-op check up (and being fleeced another £15 for four more antibiotics) I took the opportunity to pop into M&S when they opened for some of their new season thermal undies for Ma. She's spent the day in thermal undies and two layers of fleece and STILL has to sit under the heated throw. Mind you Lily wasn't complaining...
The conversation this afternoon mainly revolved around a friend who has recently died, naturally this has upset Ma and brought back memories of Dad so quite a difficult few hours, but managed to persuade her to eat two hot dogs in a finger roll for her tea. She's now watching Strictly. Well I say watching, mostly she talks to Bruce and the judges and keeps asking me who people are. Mind you I've just discovered she does do a very funny impersonation of Chelsea Healy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
05:05
Hello??
Hello Mother
Are you awake?
I am now
Oh ok. I'll leave you to it then
(whimper)
The conversation this afternoon mainly revolved around a friend who has recently died, naturally this has upset Ma and brought back memories of Dad so quite a difficult few hours, but managed to persuade her to eat two hot dogs in a finger roll for her tea. She's now watching Strictly. Well I say watching, mostly she talks to Bruce and the judges and keeps asking me who people are. Mind you I've just discovered she does do a very funny impersonation of Chelsea Healy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
05:05
Hello??
Hello Mother
Are you awake?
I am now
Oh ok. I'll leave you to it then
(whimper)
Friday, 7 October 2011
Friday fun
The hot water bottle obviously worked last night because she didn't get up at all. This didn't stop me waking at every creak and groan thinking she was, however. And would probably explain the most amazing bags under my eyes which have developed since I moved up here.
As it is Friday she has to take the alendronic acid tablet. This means she has to stay upright for 30 minutes before eating or drinking anything and has to take it with a full glass of water. The only issue we have is with the water. Ma hates drinking water so the 8fl oz I gave went down like sulphuric acid. I've seen toddlers shudder less at being forced to drink neat lemon juice. (What?!? Oh, give over, they loved it really and it was hilarious).
So tablets done she headed for the bathroom. In all honestly after that she really needed a shower but her legs were shaking so much I was worried about her falling so we did a swift flannel wash instead and I suggested she went back to bed for a while. At the time I thought it was probably because she hadn't eaten very much yesterday but after a conversation with Betsy who had a similar reaction this morning, I suspect it may have had something to do with the flu jab.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Unexpected problems with the bank and sorting the (bloody) lasting power of attorney which should have been in place two weeks ago meant having to organise somewhere for Ma to go in a hurry. Mavis and Vic stepped into the breach once again, God love them.
Raced into town, did the bank stuff. Popped into Primark and bought Ma two sets of fleece pyjamas, Wilkos for bird feeder peanuts and hair fixings. No hair fixings but not the end of the world.
When we got home at about 4pm I showed Ma the new pj's. She was a bit sniffy but within 10 mins she was stripping off and putting them on, trousers on arms at first naturally. Coupled with the fluffy dressing gown I bought her when she went into hospital she looked like a fluffy elf sitting on the sofa.
Tinned fruit and Kelly's Clotted Cream ice cream for tea and in bed by half six.
One of our better days.
As it is Friday she has to take the alendronic acid tablet. This means she has to stay upright for 30 minutes before eating or drinking anything and has to take it with a full glass of water. The only issue we have is with the water. Ma hates drinking water so the 8fl oz I gave went down like sulphuric acid. I've seen toddlers shudder less at being forced to drink neat lemon juice. (What?!? Oh, give over, they loved it really and it was hilarious).
So tablets done she headed for the bathroom. In all honestly after that she really needed a shower but her legs were shaking so much I was worried about her falling so we did a swift flannel wash instead and I suggested she went back to bed for a while. At the time I thought it was probably because she hadn't eaten very much yesterday but after a conversation with Betsy who had a similar reaction this morning, I suspect it may have had something to do with the flu jab.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Unexpected problems with the bank and sorting the (bloody) lasting power of attorney which should have been in place two weeks ago meant having to organise somewhere for Ma to go in a hurry. Mavis and Vic stepped into the breach once again, God love them.
Raced into town, did the bank stuff. Popped into Primark and bought Ma two sets of fleece pyjamas, Wilkos for bird feeder peanuts and hair fixings. No hair fixings but not the end of the world.
When we got home at about 4pm I showed Ma the new pj's. She was a bit sniffy but within 10 mins she was stripping off and putting them on, trousers on arms at first naturally. Coupled with the fluffy dressing gown I bought her when she went into hospital she looked like a fluffy elf sitting on the sofa.
Tinned fruit and Kelly's Clotted Cream ice cream for tea and in bed by half six.
One of our better days.
Thursday, 6 October 2011
Day Centre Woes
We had another disturbed night resulting in me having to be a bit firm about staying in bed and going to sleep at around 4am.
Up, dressed and breakfasted and within half an hour of the bus arriving I casually started getting her ready to go. When the penny dropped all hell broke loose. Tears, mutinous refusal to put on a coat, she was ill, would I ring David and Glenys and tell them where she would be, where was Peter, my father would be appalled at what I was doing to her etc. etc. I stayed calm (she really knows how to push my buttons!) but firm and when the bus arrived with heels dragging, sobs and backward glances she went.
As I closed the front door I heard her say to the driver 'Oh I remember you! You were really nice to me.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With the rain and wind lashing against my bedroom window, a warm duvet and Food Network on in the background I slept.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was quite apprehensive about how she would be when she got home, with good reason as it turned out.
A repeat of last week really, with the zimmer frame thrown in my direction and a slump into the chair in tears. No sign of the tea I'd paid for though but at least this week I haven't had to peel a ham sandwich off my head. She told me again that she was ill, that she would not be going back there ever again etc. I've repeated over and again quietly and calmly that it is good for her to go out and meet new people, it is good for her to have a change of scene, it is good for her to have some new stimulation.
However, she has calmed down more quickly this week and is now pointedly not eating chicken soup and toast - barely 45 minutes after getting home. Conversation is very confused and I dare say she'll be in bed before long.
More later perhaps.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well it just goes to show - never assume. She has finally given in and gone to bed after watching Eastenders. Well, I say 'watch'. Obviously this was another sucks boo to you moment because she was nodding off all the way through.
Time for bed then Mum?
No not yet I'm watching this
Oh ok, only it's nearly 8 o'clock and you are usually in bed by half six
Pffft! I don't think so!
***
*gets into bed*
Brrr! It's cold!
I'll get you a hot water bottle
Oh no don't bother, there's no need
Well, no point being cold and if you're all warm and cosy perhaps you'll sleep properly and stay in bed all night?
Oh shouldn't think so...
I'm contemplating an Eastenders quiz and a padlock. Vindictive? Moi?!?
Up, dressed and breakfasted and within half an hour of the bus arriving I casually started getting her ready to go. When the penny dropped all hell broke loose. Tears, mutinous refusal to put on a coat, she was ill, would I ring David and Glenys and tell them where she would be, where was Peter, my father would be appalled at what I was doing to her etc. etc. I stayed calm (she really knows how to push my buttons!) but firm and when the bus arrived with heels dragging, sobs and backward glances she went.
As I closed the front door I heard her say to the driver 'Oh I remember you! You were really nice to me.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With the rain and wind lashing against my bedroom window, a warm duvet and Food Network on in the background I slept.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was quite apprehensive about how she would be when she got home, with good reason as it turned out.
A repeat of last week really, with the zimmer frame thrown in my direction and a slump into the chair in tears. No sign of the tea I'd paid for though but at least this week I haven't had to peel a ham sandwich off my head. She told me again that she was ill, that she would not be going back there ever again etc. I've repeated over and again quietly and calmly that it is good for her to go out and meet new people, it is good for her to have a change of scene, it is good for her to have some new stimulation.
However, she has calmed down more quickly this week and is now pointedly not eating chicken soup and toast - barely 45 minutes after getting home. Conversation is very confused and I dare say she'll be in bed before long.
More later perhaps.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well it just goes to show - never assume. She has finally given in and gone to bed after watching Eastenders. Well, I say 'watch'. Obviously this was another sucks boo to you moment because she was nodding off all the way through.
Time for bed then Mum?
No not yet I'm watching this
Oh ok, only it's nearly 8 o'clock and you are usually in bed by half six
Pffft! I don't think so!
***
*gets into bed*
Brrr! It's cold!
I'll get you a hot water bottle
Oh no don't bother, there's no need
Well, no point being cold and if you're all warm and cosy perhaps you'll sleep properly and stay in bed all night?
Oh shouldn't think so...
I'm contemplating an Eastenders quiz and a padlock. Vindictive? Moi?!?
Wednesday, 5 October 2011
Getting dressed
The mood this morning was so toxic that I felt it better not to interfere and let her get on with it and the picture above is just after she had refused breakfast for the third time. The body language says it all! Even the walking frame is being used as a barrier - normally she leaves it in obscure places. She did eventually eat some porridge but hasn't eaten anything else yet today. I'm not sure how she managed to get the fleece on just one arm with the zip fastened but the entire ensemble (vest, nightdress, trousers, fleece, pants) had to be put in the laundry at midday and into the shower she went.
After the shower she was very jittery and couldn't get herself dressed so I helped her then took her soiled clothes to the laundry basket. Back in the bedroom and there she is in bed again... Mavis and Vic called round just after three, stayed for an hour but were equally unable to prise her out of bed.
She is now up and will be having (a delicate portion of) new potatoes, steak and kidney pudding and blue cheesy leeks in about 10 minutes and then I'll do my best to keep her up until a reasonable bed time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had great fun playing a short story game on Twitter today, it reminded me of the days when I used to do a lot of flash poetry online and probably should start doing it again. It definitely stretches the creative muscles.
Tomorrow is 'club' day (thanks Sue!) and I desperately hope she will go. All week I've had everyone referring to it as a done deal - when you go etc. - so I'm hoping it has worked. If she does then I plan to go swimming and possibly check out Aqua Zumba, although as Isabel suggested this does sound like it could be a euphemism for ritualised drowning.
(edited for speeling)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Keeping her up until a reasonable time lasted almost exactly 30 minutes. This doesn't bode well for overnight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello????
Hello Mum
Are you getting up yet?
Nope it's nearly 11 o'clock, time for bed.
Ohhh why haven't you been already, you need your sleep.
Because it's just bed time now.
Is it? I've been asleep all night.
You need to sleep for a bit longer though. Until it gets light outside.
Yes ok. Will you leave me some things? I need them for my lips.
A cup of tea?
Yes that's it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, 4 October 2011
Another Tuesday
We are definitely going through a morning phase of tears and tantrums at the moment. Today was no exception and took the best part of four hours to get her up, showered, dressed and fed and she needs help with every part of that ritual. Making sure she takes her tablets properly or combing her hair is hardly arduous but the washing/shampooing/tooth brushing etc. takes some doing without her using after sun to wash or spraying deodorant in her hair. Getting dressed is still an obstacle course but by laying out clothes for her at least guarantees a reasonably sensible outcome. Then she needs reminding on how to use a knife and fork properly. But on other days she will breeze through some of it without any difficulty so then if I get involved I get into trouble!
The tears continued until 2pm today. Enervating for both of us.
The thing that makes you so weary is the constant repetition - both from her and to her. Without instruction she is lost but neither can she follow even the simplest of verbal direction. An example: there are two sofas in the living room placed at right angles to each other. Her zimmer frame was to the side of the junction of the two sofas where one walks between them to go in and out. As she set off for the bathroom I told her to take her frame. She stopped. The frame was at her right hip with one sofa facing her.
This? *points at cushion in front of her on the sofa*
No. Your frame. It's next to you.
This? *points at cushion again*
No next to you, there. *I point at frame*
*takes a step forward. Tries to use the sofa as a walking aid*
She really doesn't understand the television anymore either. Several times over the last few days she has tried to insert things into it or believes that someone is talking to her - Alan Titchmash and Vicki Michelle were discussing my dad this afternoon apparently.
We've been to the GP this afternoon where he gave her a flu jab and has confirmed that we have an appointment with the dementia team on the 28th.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've done a lamb thing for this evening. Let's call it Fragrant lamb with cashew nuts. Basically, cubed lamb, onions, garlic, ginger, a bit of chilli, lamb stock, 3 cloves, cinnamon and bay leaves in the bottom oven for two hours. To this I will add a carton of coconut cream, and some lightly fried diced courgettes and cashews. And possibly some chopped coriander and/or parsley. It smells lovely.
Edited to add: Make this. It was beyond delicious.
The tears continued until 2pm today. Enervating for both of us.
The thing that makes you so weary is the constant repetition - both from her and to her. Without instruction she is lost but neither can she follow even the simplest of verbal direction. An example: there are two sofas in the living room placed at right angles to each other. Her zimmer frame was to the side of the junction of the two sofas where one walks between them to go in and out. As she set off for the bathroom I told her to take her frame. She stopped. The frame was at her right hip with one sofa facing her.
This? *points at cushion in front of her on the sofa*
No. Your frame. It's next to you.
This? *points at cushion again*
No next to you, there. *I point at frame*
*takes a step forward. Tries to use the sofa as a walking aid*
She really doesn't understand the television anymore either. Several times over the last few days she has tried to insert things into it or believes that someone is talking to her - Alan Titchmash and Vicki Michelle were discussing my dad this afternoon apparently.
We've been to the GP this afternoon where he gave her a flu jab and has confirmed that we have an appointment with the dementia team on the 28th.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've done a lamb thing for this evening. Let's call it Fragrant lamb with cashew nuts. Basically, cubed lamb, onions, garlic, ginger, a bit of chilli, lamb stock, 3 cloves, cinnamon and bay leaves in the bottom oven for two hours. To this I will add a carton of coconut cream, and some lightly fried diced courgettes and cashews. And possibly some chopped coriander and/or parsley. It smells lovely.
Edited to add: Make this. It was beyond delicious.
Dementia Cafe Cook Book
This is a shameless appeal.
The Dementia Cafe is run by volunteers for sufferers of dementia and their carers. We meet once a month for coffee (and sometimes biscuits!) and either a fun activity like music and movement or for a talk or sometimes both. It provides the opportunity for sufferers to gain some much needed stimulation and contact with other people and gives the carers a safe place to talk to others who completely understand the issues we deal with and to share advice, experience etc. The wonderful Rachel has gathered a group of people together and produced a cook book to raise some funds for our little cafe. The recipes were road tested one day when folks descended on the community centre armed with whisks and spatulas, then everyone sat down and ate the results!
The book contains 12 recipes. Each recipe is in there because it is or was connected in some way to the world of dementia, either a sufferer or a carer. As I type this I've just realised that I don't know how much we are selling it for! I think the suggested donation is around £2.50 but will check that and correct as necessary.
If you would like to buy a cook book, or make a donation please email me at beeeze@gmail.com
Thank you
The Dementia Cafe is run by volunteers for sufferers of dementia and their carers. We meet once a month for coffee (and sometimes biscuits!) and either a fun activity like music and movement or for a talk or sometimes both. It provides the opportunity for sufferers to gain some much needed stimulation and contact with other people and gives the carers a safe place to talk to others who completely understand the issues we deal with and to share advice, experience etc. The wonderful Rachel has gathered a group of people together and produced a cook book to raise some funds for our little cafe. The recipes were road tested one day when folks descended on the community centre armed with whisks and spatulas, then everyone sat down and ate the results!
The book contains 12 recipes. Each recipe is in there because it is or was connected in some way to the world of dementia, either a sufferer or a carer. As I type this I've just realised that I don't know how much we are selling it for! I think the suggested donation is around £2.50 but will check that and correct as necessary.
If you would like to buy a cook book, or make a donation please email me at beeeze@gmail.com
Thank you
Monday, 3 October 2011
Hmmmm
Do you remember a post I did a few weeks ago about 'sundowning'? I rather think we are suffering from 'sunrising' at the moment. It is now 10:25, we've been on the go since 06:30 and Ma is just coming out of a terrible mood. Pretty much identical behaviour to yesterday.
It started in the usual way with her calling for me. When I got downstairs the overhead light was on in the bedroom and she was lying in bed, the duvet clasped under chin and dry-sobbing. She refused a cup of tea mainly by ignoring anything I said. As I had to take the dog to the vet for dental surgery this morning and there was no way in hell I was going to get her up and into the car in time, I left a cup of tea by the bed and locked the front door behind me. Luckily it only takes half an hour to drop off the dog and get back by which time the cup of tea was still warm (and full). However, the sobbing had stopped and she decided she needed the loo. I'll gloss over that bit but I fear that supervision is going to be required from now on and I've removed the waste bin to avoid further confusion about things. (worships at the altar of the latex glove god).
Getting dressed is becoming a long process. It's been clear for a while that she needs help and monitoring but as she is currently going through this grumpy independent phase, I have to do a delicate balancing act to help her get her clothes on in the right order/right-sides-out/right way round. This morning she couldn't process the instruction to take off her pyjama trousers after I realised she'd done the now usual thing and put her normal trousers over the top. I got her to take off the normal ones:
Now take off the pyjamas
Yes ok *picks up other trousers*
No, take off the pjs first
Yes ok *attempts to put on other trousers*
Take off the pink ones first Mum
Yes ok *looks at other trousers, tries to put them on*
Etc.
She also seems far more confused in the mornings at the moment. She needed the loo so I put the bathroon light on for her. The bathroom is directly opposite the bedroom but she couldn't find it. When I said I'd put the light on for her she walked to the answerphone and pressed the flashing light.
She's now happily sitting in front of Homes Under the Hammer with a coffee and a biscuit. Any minute now she will start asking me who is coming to visit etc. She's asked me several times already where Peter is.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
More later no doubt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So it would seem that having 'funding approved' for respite care actually means 'we will send you a letter afterwards asking for photocopied proofs of income, capital and expenditure of your Mother's financial affairs and then I will calculate how much you need to pay towards the cost of her stay. If you don't do this within two weeks you will be charged the full cost of your stay. Currently £475.00 per week.
If I'd known this, would I have gone away? No. Do I have all the relevant paperwork. That would be a no. How stressed and distressed do I feel right now. Well have a guess.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The dog is back from the vet with a Hollywood smile, 5 teeth fewer, but the dragon breath has gone. Not sure how we'll strip paint from now on but that's a minor inconvenience next to being able to breath normally instead of panting and hanging out of windows.
I took Ma with me but left her in the car. This meant going back out every couple of minutes to reassure her I was still around because she gets panicky if she's left for any length of time. Even this relatively short journey (4 miles) is enough to confuse her. Roads she once whizzed about on she no longer recognises.
Naturally the dog now has anti-inflammatories, antibiotics, two types of special food and a toothbrush. She's just had half a tin of Hills special something or other and has fallen asleep in the middle of the floor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things that irritate... I do try, really I do, but some things just set my teeth on edge and I have to be really careful not to bite her head off.
I know she's just trying to appear in control of her surroundings and also make sense of them but asking me if I'm ok every single time I press a switch , lift a cup, cross a leg, change gear, scratch, yawn, clear my throat, stand up, sit down, look out of the window, close my eyes... is one of them.
It started in the usual way with her calling for me. When I got downstairs the overhead light was on in the bedroom and she was lying in bed, the duvet clasped under chin and dry-sobbing. She refused a cup of tea mainly by ignoring anything I said. As I had to take the dog to the vet for dental surgery this morning and there was no way in hell I was going to get her up and into the car in time, I left a cup of tea by the bed and locked the front door behind me. Luckily it only takes half an hour to drop off the dog and get back by which time the cup of tea was still warm (and full). However, the sobbing had stopped and she decided she needed the loo. I'll gloss over that bit but I fear that supervision is going to be required from now on and I've removed the waste bin to avoid further confusion about things. (worships at the altar of the latex glove god).
Getting dressed is becoming a long process. It's been clear for a while that she needs help and monitoring but as she is currently going through this grumpy independent phase, I have to do a delicate balancing act to help her get her clothes on in the right order/right-sides-out/right way round. This morning she couldn't process the instruction to take off her pyjama trousers after I realised she'd done the now usual thing and put her normal trousers over the top. I got her to take off the normal ones:
Now take off the pyjamas
Yes ok *picks up other trousers*
No, take off the pjs first
Yes ok *attempts to put on other trousers*
Take off the pink ones first Mum
Yes ok *looks at other trousers, tries to put them on*
Etc.
She also seems far more confused in the mornings at the moment. She needed the loo so I put the bathroon light on for her. The bathroom is directly opposite the bedroom but she couldn't find it. When I said I'd put the light on for her she walked to the answerphone and pressed the flashing light.
She's now happily sitting in front of Homes Under the Hammer with a coffee and a biscuit. Any minute now she will start asking me who is coming to visit etc. She's asked me several times already where Peter is.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
More later no doubt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So it would seem that having 'funding approved' for respite care actually means 'we will send you a letter afterwards asking for photocopied proofs of income, capital and expenditure of your Mother's financial affairs and then I will calculate how much you need to pay towards the cost of her stay. If you don't do this within two weeks you will be charged the full cost of your stay. Currently £475.00 per week.
If I'd known this, would I have gone away? No. Do I have all the relevant paperwork. That would be a no. How stressed and distressed do I feel right now. Well have a guess.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The dog is back from the vet with a Hollywood smile, 5 teeth fewer, but the dragon breath has gone. Not sure how we'll strip paint from now on but that's a minor inconvenience next to being able to breath normally instead of panting and hanging out of windows.
I took Ma with me but left her in the car. This meant going back out every couple of minutes to reassure her I was still around because she gets panicky if she's left for any length of time. Even this relatively short journey (4 miles) is enough to confuse her. Roads she once whizzed about on she no longer recognises.
Naturally the dog now has anti-inflammatories, antibiotics, two types of special food and a toothbrush. She's just had half a tin of Hills special something or other and has fallen asleep in the middle of the floor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things that irritate... I do try, really I do, but some things just set my teeth on edge and I have to be really careful not to bite her head off.
I know she's just trying to appear in control of her surroundings and also make sense of them but asking me if I'm ok every single time I press a switch , lift a cup, cross a leg, change gear, scratch, yawn, clear my throat, stand up, sit down, look out of the window, close my eyes... is one of them.
Sunday, 2 October 2011
Sunday
An upside down day today. I was in trouble from the moment I got out of bed at 07:30 because I was tidying up and this made me the cow bitch daughter from Hell apparently ('I loved you, you were so lovely but you aren't now. You're not my lovely daughter' etc. etc. ad infinitum). However it did mean we had all the horrible behaviour done and dusted by midday just in time for Peter's arrival (cue hosts of angels singing).
Without wishing to appear indelicate a current obsession is 'going to the loo'. I believe that she is confusing hip pain with bowel pain and this is why she thinks she needs to be going to the loo all the time. Unfortunately it has also led to her doing odd things such as this morning when she poured baby shampoo over herself to 'help things'. I only realised when I went to flush the loo and found shampoo all over the place. It did however solve the 'I'm NOT having a shower' issue once I'd peeled off the shampoo soaked clothes. Every cloud...
Peter arrived and took her out for a couple of hours and I thought about having a long bath with scented candles. No, of course I didn't have one, I did some ironing and went to Tesco just like any other idiot does when they have a few hours to themselves.
When they got back we had more bathroom antics, this time requiring latex gloves, a nail brush and a sense of humour. Well two out of three isn't bad.
Peaches and cream and some bread and butter for Ma for her tea and she's just gone to bed after watching half of Songs of Praise. Getting her into her pyjamas is always an obstacle course - how she managed to get her trousers back on and her pj bottoms over the top when my back was turned I'll never know. Especially as it usually takes five minutes of verbal direction to get her into just one pair in the morning.
Peter's comment as he left was that it had been an 'eye-opener' for him. Forgive me, but, I'm glad.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She's just got up for the second time in an hour to tell me how much she loves me.
Without wishing to appear indelicate a current obsession is 'going to the loo'. I believe that she is confusing hip pain with bowel pain and this is why she thinks she needs to be going to the loo all the time. Unfortunately it has also led to her doing odd things such as this morning when she poured baby shampoo over herself to 'help things'. I only realised when I went to flush the loo and found shampoo all over the place. It did however solve the 'I'm NOT having a shower' issue once I'd peeled off the shampoo soaked clothes. Every cloud...
Peter arrived and took her out for a couple of hours and I thought about having a long bath with scented candles. No, of course I didn't have one, I did some ironing and went to Tesco just like any other idiot does when they have a few hours to themselves.
When they got back we had more bathroom antics, this time requiring latex gloves, a nail brush and a sense of humour. Well two out of three isn't bad.
Peaches and cream and some bread and butter for Ma for her tea and she's just gone to bed after watching half of Songs of Praise. Getting her into her pyjamas is always an obstacle course - how she managed to get her trousers back on and her pj bottoms over the top when my back was turned I'll never know. Especially as it usually takes five minutes of verbal direction to get her into just one pair in the morning.
Peter's comment as he left was that it had been an 'eye-opener' for him. Forgive me, but, I'm glad.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She's just got up for the second time in an hour to tell me how much she loves me.
Saturday, 1 October 2011
Another Saturday
After a full night of sleep and no disturbances Ma was fairly cheerful this morning. I gave her her meds and a cup of tea and she went off to the loo. Next thing I heard the shower running! For the first time in months she was able to turn it on, my ghast was flabbered. However she couldn't turn it off again.
She's going through a bad tempered independence stage at the moment so I leave her clothes out ready and she gets herself dressed. This morning everything went on back to front but she didn't add any extra layers for a change. She had porridge and coffee and we watched the rugby. Then went for a coffee with Mavis and Vic. I cooked salmon, new potatoes, carrots and peas for lunch and she ate the lot.
About two hours ago it all started to go to hell very quickly. I honestly don't know what kicked it off this time but there does seem to be a pattern emerging. Usually the first sign is confusion between reality and the tv. Then the tears start and the 'I always loved you' type of comments, followed by threats and accusations and then falling on the sofa or the bed and sobbing. This can circle back several times.
At the moment she will not be in the same room as me because of what I've done (poached salmon? watched rugby? breathed heavily?) and is trying to use the telephone to ring someone, no idea who, she won't tell me only that 'they' will come and get her. Clearly right this second 'they' are welcome to her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(16:58) We are now watching CDWM and just like that the storm is over. As usual I am an emotional wreck. Thank God for crap tv tonight - a bit X Factor, Sauv B and a bitch on Twitter will restore my equilibrium.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Talking of Twitter.... I was chatting on there this morning with one of the wonderful people who give me tremendous emotional support and happened to mention the back-to-front clothes. She commented that it's quite a feat to put everything on backwards and that she's noticed her mother often does things in the most awkward way possible. This struck a chord with me too - I watched her open a new box of tissues the other day. She tried to get in through the end of the box, then underneath. By the time I intervened and showed her how the piece came out of the top the tissues were falling out of every which way.
However, now the new tissues are open I hope she'll stop blowing her nose on the incontinence knickers.
She's going through a bad tempered independence stage at the moment so I leave her clothes out ready and she gets herself dressed. This morning everything went on back to front but she didn't add any extra layers for a change. She had porridge and coffee and we watched the rugby. Then went for a coffee with Mavis and Vic. I cooked salmon, new potatoes, carrots and peas for lunch and she ate the lot.
About two hours ago it all started to go to hell very quickly. I honestly don't know what kicked it off this time but there does seem to be a pattern emerging. Usually the first sign is confusion between reality and the tv. Then the tears start and the 'I always loved you' type of comments, followed by threats and accusations and then falling on the sofa or the bed and sobbing. This can circle back several times.
At the moment she will not be in the same room as me because of what I've done (poached salmon? watched rugby? breathed heavily?) and is trying to use the telephone to ring someone, no idea who, she won't tell me only that 'they' will come and get her. Clearly right this second 'they' are welcome to her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(16:58) We are now watching CDWM and just like that the storm is over. As usual I am an emotional wreck. Thank God for crap tv tonight - a bit X Factor, Sauv B and a bitch on Twitter will restore my equilibrium.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Talking of Twitter.... I was chatting on there this morning with one of the wonderful people who give me tremendous emotional support and happened to mention the back-to-front clothes. She commented that it's quite a feat to put everything on backwards and that she's noticed her mother often does things in the most awkward way possible. This struck a chord with me too - I watched her open a new box of tissues the other day. She tried to get in through the end of the box, then underneath. By the time I intervened and showed her how the piece came out of the top the tissues were falling out of every which way.
However, now the new tissues are open I hope she'll stop blowing her nose on the incontinence knickers.
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