Decision time

Enough already.

Another early start - although not as early as the other day thank goodness. I heard her moving around at about 6am and when I went into her bedroom she was already lying across the bed sobbing and hasn't really picked up from there all day. I carried on as normal - doling out meds, making tea, turned on the shower and she went through all of the morning routine still sobbing. The recurring theme today has been wanting to go 'home' and wanting her 'brother' who could be either my dad, her brother or my brother. At one point she was going to walk all the way to Liverpool.

She was due at the hairdressers at 2pm but flatly refused to go. At that point I phoned the GP and spoke to a lovely lady doctor (she sounded about 12) who has increased both the anti-depressant and the sleeping tablets, she will also ring me again on Friday to check on how the sleeping is going and as a consequence, if her mood has improved. She gave the usual advice about suicide threats and I assured her I would ring if I feared for her safety at any time.

Shelia popped round for half an hour just after I came off the phone which was great because another recurring theme has been that no one comes to see her. Clearly Ma doesn't include Shelia in this because ten minutes in she walked off and went to bed. Shelia is lovely though and didn't bat an eyelid, just chatted to me instead.

I have offered poached salmon for tea and she's agreed. I hope she eats it because she's definitely off food again at the moment.

'We' appear to have lost one of her new black shoes today, along with the bank card and a necklace. I've searched high and low but no luck so far...

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Will you remember those things for me?

What things Ma?

I can't remember.

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Day Centre tomorrow. I won't tell her until the last possible minute, assuming that she's in a reasonable mood. If she's like she is today I don't hold out much hope of getting her on the bus. Although I did manage it last week despite the awful start we had. Here's hoping.

I'm in need of some modest retail therapy.